Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Do they have KSL in Heaven? My Big TV Interview is Today!

Before starting this post, let me share some big news:
Today I was interviewed LIVE on TV.  (You can watch the video HERE).  
View "The Golden Sky" Audiobook Version HERE

--Now, onto the post of the day--
I'm sitting near blazing TV-studio lights.  The whole time I'm remembering an important violin concert from years ago, when I practically went blind, wanting to stare at the lights instead of all the faces beyond them.
    It's almost my turn to be interviewed on live television.  A deep breath fills my lungs and I wonder again, why I'm doing this.  That's when I close my eyes for a moment and think of my boy in Heaven. . . .
Zeke sits beside an old man on the side of a misty riverbank. They throw their fishing lines into the water and talk. 
    "What do you think your mom is doing?" the old man asks, tilting his fishing pole at a thirty degree angle.
    "I don't know," Zeke says. "I didn't live long enough to know much about the living. And I don't get to see my parents unless they're hitting some sort of milestone."
    The old man smiles. "Your Mom's hittin' one today, boy." Zeke raises an eyebrow incredulously. "Just look into the water."
    Zeke peers into the heavenly river, so pure it smells like rain.  The waters swirl and suddenly Zeke sees something, more than he'd expected. . . .
In my mind's eye, I'm walking along a beach.  I find myself holding someone's hand even though we haven't seen each other in years.  I keep gazing up at him and smiling.  "I've dreamed about this," I say, tears in my eyes.
    "So have I."
    We keep walking, for miles and miles.  After we've traveled across many sandy beaches and rocky shores, we turn to the sunset.  "Once," I say, "when I was very young, when colors seemed more important than a career, and playing the violin in a nearby cave was more desirable than anything, I said a prayer."
    He smiles.  "And what did you pray?"
    I look out at the tumbling waves.  "I asked God to give me a sign that He still loved me."
    "Did you doubt His love so much?" he asks.
    "I guess I did." I pause, wondering over the small moments that make up our lives. "Well, nothing happened for the entire day that I prayed.  I painted and drew.  I went to my cave and played my violin.  At one point, I knelt next to a rock and so much sadness overcame me.  I asked God if He even loved me anymore."

    "Did He answer you?"
    "I didn't hear it at first, but before long the words filled my very being and I FELT them.  'Of course,' a voice replied and the air smelled of incense.  'Look,' the voice said.  I looked at the sunset and my breath stopped.  It was unlike anything I'd ever seen in that area.  The clouds stretched orange and pink.  Orange is my favorite color not because of its hue but because orange represents eternity." I know he understands that this reveals more about me--about the desires of my heart--than almost anything.
    "That’s what you long for," he says.  "Some wish only for fame, fortune, or even death after years on Earth--you . . . you, seek eternal life." He pauses, still holding my hand gently. "And you knew God loved you . . . because of the beautiful sky?  You thought he answered your prayer?"
    "I know He answered it.  In some way, it made me realize how He painted the sky for me . . . for each of us, every single day.  His love shines everywhere, through almost everything."
    "And that's what you hold onto whenever bad things happen in your life?"  He studies a shell by our feet and I don't say a word.  "You remembered that, even when I died . . ."
    "Yes."

    Zeke--MY son just nods. "Orange is my favorite color too, a reminder that someday we'll be together in eternity."
    Tears fill my eyes. He's so strong and healthy, much different from the infant who died after two and a half months of struggling in the hospital.
    "I'm so proud you're my son. I've done everything I can so people will know you; your life won't be forgotten.  I can't make up for the past, but I'm trying my best for the future.  Every day I spent putting my journal--the moments from your life--into the computer . . . Every moment brought pain, but with it, you came back, just like today."
    My eyes close and a deep part of myself starts fading. A heart once full, seems a bit empty, and my fingers close on themselves because he's no longer holding my hand.
    I breathe slowly, willing peace to come again.  "Please know I won't forget you," my voice drifts away just like my son did.
    I look back, but Zeke really is gone, washed away with the wind and the waves. 


"Elisa?  Elisa? It's time for your interview," a sweet woman breaks my reverie, calling me from the side of the stage.
    I stand and begin walking to my seat in front of the cameras. My hands fold as if in prayer since the warmth of my day-dream still lingers.
    Zeke, I love you.  Always will.  My heartbeat slows and I remember the one question that always plagues me.  Do you still love me? I wonder although he's been dead for years, and I'm almost to my seat on stage. 

    The interviewer smiles kindly, but I feel as if my knees won't quit shaking.
    Then, I feel something--it's just a nudge at first, but so much peace comes with the words.  Of course, I love you, Mama. . . . Look.
    My eyes turn forward.  The studio lights are so vibrant, those yellowish-pink and orange colors wrap around me just like a surreal sunset. The faces below them glow blue, an endless ocean of hope and endurance.

    I no longer simply long for eternity, but I realize the truth in its meaning--eternity is part of right now, just like my memories and my dreams. Just like Zeke.
   "Thanks for joining us," the interviewer says kindly.
   "Thanks for having me," I say. 
    That's when the interview begins. HEREHERE

55 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry you lost him. I think it's wonderful you write about him to keep him close.

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  2. Prayers for you and your sweet sweet boy today! xoxoxo

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  3. What a wonderful dream. My son Chris always appears to me in my dreams as a young teenager, although he lived to be 40. Dreams of him are always comforting. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this wonderful dream.

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  4. This gave me the chills. You're dream is beyond bittersweet. He will keep his promise and you will see him again. xoxo

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  5. What a precious, comforting dream--and a gorgeous sky!
    You will never forget him. He will always love you. :):)

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  6. Sure you will see him again, wonderful dream.

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  7. What a great moment with Zeke. I'm glad you posted photos of him because he was absolutely precious! What a cutie! He must have been quite the handsome man when you met him on the beach. Someday in heaven, we'll have to have you all over for dinner (if we eat, of course). It will be great to meet him!

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  8. You just gave me major goose bumps....Beautiful.

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  9. I love reading your words Elisabeth. Thinking of you and Zeke today.

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  10. Such a beautiful dream! You will see Zeke again, and he does love you very much, how could he not? You are amazing Elisa! Sending prayers for you and your family today, I know it was years ago, but I know it is still heard.
    JadeLouise Designs

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  11. Thinking of you, Cade, Zeke & your family.
    Hugs & prayers.

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  12. I absolutely love reading your dreams. They are so vivid and inspiring. I am sorry for you loss this day so many years ago, but I am happy for your remembrance of little Zeke. We love you and yours. May God hold you in his arms today.

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  13. Just beautiful. May God bless you and your family always. I believe Zeke is always with you. That they come to us in our dreams is so special. Hugs to you.

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  14. I'm sorry you lost him, but surely you'll meet him again. Such lovely words. Hugs for you today on this day.

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  15. Life is strange. You lost Zeke, but he will ALWAYS be with you. And because of your beautiful writing, today he was with all of us.

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  16. fishducky said it right. I'm so sorry, Elisa.

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  17. Dear Elisa,
    Your lovely and poignant dream is shared with us with such vividness and honesty that I was caught up in it. I walked the beach with you and Zeke and saw the sunset and the orange and golden rays touching all our lives. The line that struck me as being wise beyond your years was this one: "eternity is part of right now, just like my memories and my dreams." Thank you for sharing that wisdom with us.

    Peace.

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  18. Oh, Elisa. Your writing said it all. Thank you for giving us a piece of that dream.

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  19. I'm so sorry about Zeke :(

    but what an amazing, precious and sweet dream! it gave me chills, but in a good way. :)

    hugs sent your way :)

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  20. This was a beautiful story and it validates my beliefs that our loved ones come to visit us once in awhile to tell us they are ok. I can see why he was so proud you were his Mama! Thanks for sharing this.

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  21. So Beautiful, and I know that you will see him again because God keeps all his promises. Love you. Bless you.

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  22. Some writing is just guided on its course with an invisible hand...

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  23. Beautifully written. Thinking of you today.

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  24. Please accept my condolences for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  25. This is so beautiful it hurts. It reminds me of a dream I had a few months after my mum died. She was standing in by a window in a dark room with the moon shining on her. I ran towards her and said I was sorry that I didn't say goodbye properly. She said it was alright, we could say goodbye now. I woke up with tears on my face and went into the bathroom. The moon was shining through the window just like in the dream but she wasn't standing there. I bent over and cried so hard it was like being sick. I realised I had bottled it all up until my grief was like a clenched fist in the base of my throat. It was like poison being drawn.
    I'm so sorry you lost Zeke.

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  26. Thinking of you, Zeke, and the rest of your family today. I know he was such a sweet spirit and this post was so beautiful. It is nice when those we love come to us and let us know they are okay.

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  27. Beautiful, beautiful post, Elisa. It must be really tough day for you all. Thinking of you.

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  28. That's such a beautiful way to end a sweet sad post.

    Aside, your Amazon reviews for The Golden Sky are plentiful and powerful enough to have many jealous fellow authors. Praise for those reviewers and for Elisabeth's story.

    Zeke left his imprints behind. He's still here.

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  29. My dearest Elisabeth .. Your words filled my heart with many emotions and my eyes with tears. I saw the photos of your beautiful and precious blessing Zeke ~ and I need to let you know Zeke choose you to be his mother .. for he knew the love you would give him in his short time here on earth and that you my friend are STRONG enough to keep his memory alive and help others, faced with the same circumstances. You are a very special person and Zeke is smiling and protecting you. Your choice of a golden light is most interesting ... when I was in my coma ~ it was a golden light I recall in my journey.

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful heart felt post ... xo HHL

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  30. Elisha you always amaze me with your talent. Of course Zeke loves you, how could he not. You have keep his spirit alive by sharing his story with your talents. Once again you have moved me to tears. I now you will see him again and I now for a fact that he is so so proud of you.

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  31. Sorry I meant know not now in to place. Sorry typos

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  32. That is truly the most beautiful thing I have read in a very long time!

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  33. the death date of a child is so hard to "celebrate", but yet it is a date that can not be forgotten. And, perhaps we should celebrate it if we truly believe they are in a better place....at least this is what I tell myself.

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  34. Very touching. Sorry you've suffered such a devastating loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  35. I have to tell you that I have shied away from reading about your book, partly because reading about child loss is too close to my heart. But, thanks to your post to help Melynda, I wandered back to this post. And, I loved it. I was caught up in the conversation between you and your beloved son. I now have two books to order. :)

    My son has been gone for over six years, and there is never a day I don't think about him. I cherish my dreams of him, which are infrequent, but vivid and powerful.

    I still talk to him, I still hear his voice. And, like you, I know we will be reunited again. I am grateful to God for choosing me to be my son's mom, and grateful to God for girding me up, and supporting me with His love.

    Thank you for this beautiful song of praise.

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  36. You went and made me cry again. Love and a great big hug to you my friend.

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  37. Powerful. Honest. Emotional. Beautiful. My thoughts go out to you and your family. And to Zeke.
    All my best.

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  38. Sorry to be late with this one Elisa, but praying for you and the family.

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  39. Dear Elisa, with Sandi, I thank you for "this beautiful song of praise" to Zeke and to motherhood and to your own growing understanding of love. That's all we can ask, that as the years pass we learn more and more how to better love all those who have touched our lives and whose lives we have touched. You and Zeke were and are and will be always a blessing to one another. He is with you always and ever. Peace.

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  40. What a beautiful dragonfly and what wonderful post!!I am a china tour lover,You can learn more: China vacation packages | China city tours | China Travel Agency

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  41. Congrats on the audio book and good luck with the radio interview! I will be looking forward to hearing it!

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  42. Went and watched the interview it was awesome to watch. I know I have said before that the book was great but it truly was.

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  43. You found the words to describe why love never dies. Thank you for sharing your dream.

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