Friday, March 22, 2013

What IS True Beauty?




"True Beauty"

I stood amidst a huge crowd.  So many people clustered there, shuffling around.  "Where are we?" I asked one man who remained stretching.
    "We're getting ready to race," he yelled above the commotion, obviously shocked I didn't already know what went on.  "It's time to pick your partner, or decide if you want to make it on your own.  I'm making my own way."  He pointed ahead.  "That's the only way to win."
    The mountainous road in front of us looked tragic, with bumps and potholes.  Almost everyone wore running shoes and shorts.  I looked down; I wore them as well.  What seemed strange, though, was the fact that we were spirits, not flesh.

    My heart suddenly beat fast. The trail ahead said something simple, something terrifying. "The Race of Life," I read the fading words.  "If you so desire, pick your partner before you get a body."
    I closed my eyes and wondered, was I meant to race alone?  If not, I needed to find someone to run with--and fast--the race was about to start.  I mulled over the crowd, and grew frantic all the while. 
    One man approached me, but I knew he didn't have what it would take.  My arms pushed past him and moved along.  Who could I race with?  They needed to have similar goals, similar ways of thinking.  They would have to be fun and inventive.  A hard worker, a good father if we ended up having children.
    "We'll race in ten minutes!" a voice boomed.
    About a million girls circled around a handsome spirit.  He beamed from the attention and I wondered over the sight.  I finally crouched on one knee.  It was useless, the spirit I searched for probably didn't exist.  I needed someone who would help me finish the race and not just run it.  
    I tied one of my running shoes and prayed, "God, I'm scared to get a body.  I'm scared to live.  What if I stumble and fall?  What if I forget your power and your love?  What if I make terrible choices?"
    Tears came to my eyes because it was scary.  I was about to leave the comfort around me, the peace of seeing God's face in Heaven's eternity.  
    Many of the people around pulsed with anxiety as well.  I wondered how they would fair.  Would even one of us succeed?  I stood tall then, dusted the dirt from my running shorts, put my hair in a ponytail and got ready to run.
    Hundreds of people had already paired with each other, but I remained alone, refusing to be nervous any more. 
    Sure, I could lose almost everything, but I refused to lose my faith.  
    I bent forward.  The journey would be hard.  I could make it on my own, though--I had to.  At any minute the whistle would blow, and so much depended on the race.
    My breath slowed in concentration as I studied the wide road ahead.  Then a hand touched my shoulder and I turned.  
    A spirit stood beside me--an amazing spirit.  "I'm Cade," he whispered, and with those simple words, I knew I'd met my match.  
    "I've been looking for you," I said.
    "And I've always been looking for you."  He held my hand, making me feel truly beautiful and complete, truly worth something despite anything that might happen on Earth.  "Are you ready for this?" he asked, smirking.
    "You bet I am," I winked and that's when the whistle blew.   




    This post was written for the "Beauty of a Woman Blogfest."  Please go here for more information:

42 comments:

  1. Your dream touched my heart, it is beautiful. As far as boobs go, imagine me with the same problem, being a teenager during the reign of Marilyn Monroe, Anita Ekberg, and other such amply endowed women! Not too much fun. After my breast cancer treatment with Tamoxifen, when I was in my 60s, I gained about 30 pounds,and for the first time in my life had big boobs. They were somewhat different in size, one having had the lumpectomy, but still. For a brief moment I was excited, but then I realized I was more excited about being alive.

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  2. I loved reading about your dream.... beautifully written. xo HHL

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  3. Thankfully I never have to worry about such a thing..haha. What a great dream too, they always seem to come from you. So kids in the Scribe's class are bigger?...lol...had a good laugh there, but you have everything you need, so avoid the plastic chop shop.

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  4. Your husband is absolutely right, your boobs have nothing to do w/ how beautiful you are!!

    But if you really want them, you can have mine. I'm petite and big chested. NOTHING fits me right. I have to get every shirt tailered. At least you don't need to buy a shirt too big for you so your boobs fit in. Then pay to have the straps shorted and the bottom hemmed just so it will fit you right.

    Point is, everyone always wants what they don't have. I would love a flatter chest!

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  5. Don't let anyone make you feel like you need to look a certain way to be a woman, or to be beautiful. That's utterly daft - a brief look through other cultures and periods will show you how much the idea of beauty varies: it's just fashion.
    The important thing is that /you/ like and are comfortable with the way you look. If you would really like to have bigger boobs, it's entirely up to you, but don't do it for anyone else.

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  6. That was extraordinary! I would love it if you made that dream into a longer story, such a beautiful lesson. Rudolph has a wonderful way of appreciating my innards before my appearance. It took a while to get that his telling me my insides were beautiful was better than hearing how good he thought I looked (he tells me that too, though not as often).

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  7. We all have our insecurities. Fortunately, though, some of us (you definitely included) are lucky to have someone around to tell us when we're being silly about it. But hey, that's the nature of insecurities. One day they can seem funny, the next they're crippling. It's good to hear your husband is your voice of reason on those latter days.

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  8. Cade--& all of us--love you for what you are, NOT what you look like!

    I'm reminded of someone who felt the same way. I love how he expressed it. Totie Fields, a comedienne, lost a leg due to diabetes & later, she had a mastectomy because of cancer. She asked her husband how he could still love her after that. His answer: "I didn't marry you for parts!"

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    1. It's funny you mention that. It's kind of a running joke with my wife. Her blood type is comparable (donor-wise) with mine, but not vice versa. I dare say I've used the spare parts line once or twice. :)

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  9. I'm glad you realize how truly blessed you are to have each other. Finding a soulmate who loves you for who you are...many of us can only dream of such a thing. Hold on tight to his hand and run, baby, run!! :):)

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  10. Now I'm sitting at my desk at work blubbering...That damn Cade and his words of beauty. Maybe sometimes God translates our life for us in our sleep because that way he can guide us without our interference.

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  11. You forgot the end of the dream..."And you ran the entire race thanking God that you didn't have to do it with C cup boobs!!!" ;)

    You're perfect just the way you are! God made you a completed masterpiece so you can go and add something like a perm or a boob job on the Mona Lisa, or add a goatee to the Statue of David. You have to be happy with the masterpiece that you were made to be. Great dream (but still, if you didn't have a small chest, you would have never dreamed up of running a race! lol)

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  12. I love coming back and reading everyone's comments. Maggie just cracked me up with her line about running a race with C-cup boobies. So true! So true!!!!!!

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  13. Really great dream :)Why is it we let society tell us what bra size we should be pleased with, in the 60's Twiggy made being flat popular and bras were being burned. I used to care about having small breasts but now I am just pleased that they are too small to sag...lol! Ha ha, if they do get any smaller you could play golf on my chest :D

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  14. Dear Elisa,
    I found the following line so compelling: "I needed someone who would help me finish the race and not just run it." You have found that someone. Cade and you are running this race--this journey into possibility--together. As Rita said, "Go, Baby, Go!"

    Peace.

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  15. Such an absolutely beautiful story! I love it!

    I was flat chested all through school and college. It wasn't until I got preggo that they grew. I was thrilled, I was finally the size i wanted to be...a B. And they kept growing. BOO. Now I'm too big for my favorite shirts (it's not the belly that is to tight, it's the chest...) I wish we could just trade a little you know? I'd give you just enough that i'd drop a size and you'd gain a size.

    But really, Cade is right. It's not what is outside, but what is inside that matters. the husband tells me this all the time...sometimes I listen. lol

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  16. Kids are just so cruel. When I was in high school I bloomed into an A cup. Yes, I was tiny. And at 5'10 (then) it just made me look taller and thinner. My nickname was "Flatsy". I did eventually grow to a decent size but I know how embarrassing I felt all those years.

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  17. Oh young one if I could only give you half of mine we'd both be so very happy. Do they do boob transplants?

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  18. Ah, we women and our boobs! If they're too big, we envy smaller. If we're flat, we long for curves... Reminds me of the way I longed for curly hair as a kid, while my best friend with bright red curls wanted nothing but straight blondness. ;)

    I loved your story, Elisa. Such an honest tale, rich with insight. Thanks!

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  19. This was just so beautiful!! As you spoke about the meanness that you experienced as a kid I just wanted to cry for you. And then I was just so happy for you that you found your partner in life who loves you, all of you. It is a miracle isn't it, to find someone that you just fit with? Much love to you my sweet, beautiful friend!!

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  20. Loved your dream. Awesome. The kid who wouldn't date you because your breasts were too small? Did you say you'd date him in a heartbeat if his IQ had been higher than his shoe size? grrrr

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  21. Being a plus-sized girl, I've always had the opposite problem about my boobs. The problem is, I have a feeling that my shyness scared away potential friends and boyfriends. And my classmates never teased me about my weight and cup size. At least not to my face.

    Man, I wish I had dreams like you: dreams that have a story-element to you that you remember! My dreams are usually little snippets of things that usually don't make sense to me. Sometimes based on what I see, do, and read during the day and sometimes random.

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  22. Boobs are a bitch. The Hurricane used to be flat chested. She asked for padded bras from Victoria's Secret for her 18th birthday. Then when she was in her early 20s, she suddenly grew small boobs. She hates them and complains about them being in the way. We always have something that bugs us and drives us crazy. Might as well be boobs. But I'd like to get my hands on those girls who were mean to you and give them a good nipple twisting.

    Love,
    Janie

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  23. Once again your dreams are so profound. I envy you that. I always wished I would have dreams that actually meant something, or that I could at least remember them. Beautiful dream, and you know what? Cade is right, it's not your boobs that will remain with him forever, it is YOU.

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  24. Wow... you're an amazing writer :)) Love your book... how's it going ? Sorry that I'm behind on your news... and thanks for your gorgeous comment. Love always xoxo

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    1. You are soooo sweet :) The book is going well. It just blesses my heart thinking more people are reading Zeke's story and infant loss awareness is growing.
      Thanks for your kind words :)
      -Elisa

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  25. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.. love you story.

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  26. All of these comments are so amazing! I was nervous sharing this post, after all I couldn't even admit to being Pacha for awhile LOL!

    I'm so glad I wrote this, though. Your words have made things much better.
    Thank you! :0)

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  27. This is a beautiful post Elisa! Very moving. I can’t even put the right words to the way it made me feel. I just love the story you told about your dream. You and Cade are so blessed to have each other. I was cracking up at Padded Cell Princess’s comment. So true. I know what it’s like running with the C cup. No fun. Lucky you! LOL

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  28. Oh my gosh, you and your husband are awesome! I love that he makes you feel this way and I love the picture you've put in my head. This is so romantic and I hope you print this and put it in a Valentine's Day card next Tuesday. He's going to love it.

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  29. Glad you met your match. I've been a AAA my whole life, even WHEN I was breastfeeding. The men we met fell in love with "us", not our bodies. That's okay. . . I'm about to be gray-haired and flat-chested. It'll all be fine. ;) I hope.

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  30. I have never given mine much thought except that mine were concave after nursing too. One year later and several periods, they came back. I think they have a mind of their own always inflating and deflating with hormones even now when I am over 50!
    Great post.

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  31. Wow, really powerful. I'm touched by your words. Thank you.

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  32. I am totally flat chested too! Although, that was the one thing that I loved about my body as a ballerina, because you just have to be flat chested to get away with movement on stage. When they're big and bouncy, it's too distracting on the technique. My theory is that you only grow into your boobs, so be glad for the little things, because your body will probably remain small with them, and you will be a sleek, attractive older woman;) I barely have some cleavage now in my 40's, and it's weird. I like my little things more and more all of the time!;)

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  33. I love what your husband said!! It's absolutely sweet. And I understand how harsh it must have been to hear all those things but people who *really* love will do so no matter how you look.

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  34. I love this story, because it is so similar to my own. Can I admit the thought of having a 4th child has crossed my mind in the past, just so I can have boobs for a little bit again? Well, not only for that reason, but that was such an added bonus:) My husband could also care less about their size, but it's so tough in this world we live in to not think about it. I love your beautiful dream. It helps remind me of what is truly important.

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  35. What a beautiful story--real life and dream. Cade's a keeper.

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  36. I truly love reading your stories. Funny, heartfelt and little lessons in between. And coming from a former D girl, boobs are totally overrated. I'd never go back.

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  37. Believe it or not, some men have similar insecurities about their bodies. He may have skinny arms and no chest, yet, as a teen, he's forced to play shirts vs. skins during gym class.

    Thanks for sharing your own experience, your thoughts and words are such a joy to read.

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