Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Merely a Flesh Wound

 I feel like I should stop posting medical updates because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about cancer...well, it’s a roller coaster. And no one wants to hear the tedious ups and downs of how it’s better and then it’s not OVER and OVER—especially me.

Let me quickly interject by saying that last week I had some decent news that degenerated this week (just like my hip apparently). Add that to the fact that someone said, “You’d be healed if you have more faith,” and my brain practically burst into flames. Yep—it made me that sad/angry. Flames. Flames, folks. No one wants me to be healed more than me...because I have kids. That’s why.

So let’s find what I can be happy about today DESPITE “trying” circumstances.

I’m gonna look at the bad and twist it positive. Sound good, shnookums? Now watch a master work ;)

#1 Immunotherapy “infusions” are not as fun as they sound. They make me tired and nauseous for about two weeks after. And now I have to do this every six weeks... *slow motion voice* EVERY. Six. Weeks.

My answer: Do your worst, cancer (okay that’s too bold)... Let’s try that again....

Try me, cancer! I’ve been pregnant freakin’ five times. I know how to deal with nausea and tiredness. Give me a bucket and a bed—I got this!

#2 The doctor said there’s no cure for my cancer, and they’re just trying to stave it off for as long as they can, trying to find a cure.

My answer: “Trying to find a cure” means there’s hope, and guess what, even if it doesn’t work out, the most I have to fear is death, right? It’s always nice to know what we’re facing. 

If I had to randomly die tomorrow or be able to plan for it, well, call me a planner. That’s much better than being taken out by a semi...or a mountain lion. Or something. (I don’t know where the mountain lion thing came from—sorry, it just popped in my head as a bad way to die, that wouldn’t offend people because it’s rare...that’s why.)

#3 They found a growth/tumor in my shin. What the $&@£! to make this good?

My answer: It’s an...excuse not to run a marathon (that one of my friends in Utah kept trying to pressure me into before I had cancer). I SUCK at running. In fact I speed-walked Ragnar—and THAT was tough. Now I can get out of marathons and maybe even doing the dishes. One point for Elisa. Bing!

#4 The last (terrifying) thing...

My bone and muscle are showing slight degeneration in my right hip. 

My answer: At least I still HAVE two hips. BAM! So what if I’m slowly falling apart. *insert Monty Python voice* “‘Tis merely a scratch!” 

I have another MRI on Friday. So after work I will be traveling back down to Utah again. Let’ this thing. 

The only moment that is/shouldn’t be funny, happened when my son heard about the degeneration of my hip—and he immediately said, “Are they gonna be able to save it?”

“Save what?” I asked naively because I hadn’t yet gone to THE WORST possible outcome.

“Your leg? Are they gonna be able to save your leg?”

“Good Lord that got dark fast! They might do radiation on my HIP. But I hope they won’t lop off my leg just yet.” Then I broke out laughing, so grateful that I have a leg—well, two of them in fact.

And he laughed too. “Sorry, Mama,” he said. “I’m so glad you can keep your leg. Remember that pirate from Blackfoot?”

“Yeah. The guy who owned the gun store. The man with only one leg?”

“That’s him. I guess you’d be all right if you ended up like him. I always did like that guy.”

That’s the spirit. I COULD end up like that ornery pirate in Blackfoot! Yaaass! No matter the outcome, it’s all coming up roses. 

Call me a Pollyanna if you want. It’s better than being bitter about everything, walking around dead when I clearly have so much livin’ to do. 

Merely a scratch...a flesh wound. It’ll be all long as a mountain lion doesn’t take me out in the meantime.

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