Monday, December 21, 2020

Problem with Pride

 A problem with pride 

When I picked “refinement” as my word to live by for 2020, I had no idea what that would entail. I also didn’t realize how my voracious study of the 7 deadly sins would come into play. 

I studied them for months, thinking my greatest weakness is lust. Like a monster, always waiting, if given even a little leeway it can drag us into disturbing situations we never initially wished for. But when I studied about pride, greed, and anger, they didn’t resonate with me the way lust and envy did. 

Unfortunately, yesterday I discovered I actually do have a problem with pride....

I ventured into the store again—and about ten minutes after discovering that they were literally out of everything I needed, my pace slowed, and I started limping pretty badly despite the fact that I had my walker. A woman rushed into the aisle, obviously in some sort of race through the store, but when she saw me, the sprinter slowed, sauntering behind me on my trek down the world’s loooongest aisle. And like the creepy stalker she was—the woman stayed behind me the whole flippin’ way!

Finally at the end of our long journey, I turned a corner and the woman darted in front of me. “I feel so compelled to tell you,” she said very loudly and slowly, “you’re doing great.” I know she meant well, but as she walked away, tears filled my eyes and I quietly cried for quite a while. Thank God no one really looks into people’s eyes anymore, and no one noticed. My mask just got soaked—which was worse than meeting the stalker; okay, maybe not, but close!

Mike found me at that point. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I just realized that I’m a charity case.” I told him about the woman. “I know she meant well, but the way she said I’m Frankenstein’s monster or something. I mean, I know I just had radiation on my brain...but I can still understand English! And I’m just struggling to walk right now after surgery! I can do things. I’d like to have her come back here. There’s gotta be something I can beat her at! Like Scrabble! Yeah. I could KICK HER A** at Scrabble!

My husband—for some reason—seems perpetually amused by me. He hugged me in the store and chuckled. “Sure you could beat her at something. And you know, she probably thought she was doing a really nice thing.”

When we got home, I received a message that I’d sold several books. I could hardly believe it. This was accompanied by a note from a man who said he wanted to show support. I don’t know why, but it just blessed my heart because I felt like I’d worked for the money, but we still got some additional income. 

And then it hit me—I could in fact have a problem with pride. Actually that I DO have issues with it. I know pride isn’t always a bad thing. But maybe it is when I can’t recognize that people just want to be kind...and that what the lady in the store said might have been more for her benefit than for mine anyway. And that’s okay. Why should I fault her for something that made her feel kind and good?

Today is another chance to work on myself—yay *sarcasm. Remember how I don’t believe in Jesus; well, we still go to church. If the sermon today is about pride, I swear I might die right there in that God-lovin’ pew!

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