Friday, December 11, 2020

Extended Buttcrack

 The Extended Buttcrack

Dear God,

I think I’ve handled things fairly well (except for...the face-cage radiation). I’ve laughed when I should’ve cried, been nice when I could’ve screamed about my mortality. *Tried* to be brave. And I’ve handled it all right, until the...extended buttcrack.

I decided to look at my scar, which apparently goes from the middle of my back down to my tailbone. But no matter which light it’s in *trust me* the scar now makes my buttcrack look a million miles long—and it’s not even in the right place! Cheeks extending between my shoulder blades is not what I asked for this Christmas. 

When Sir Mix-a-Lot wrote about “liking big butts” I don’t think he described the hunch-butt of Notre Dame. But still, If I’m trying to be positive, I FINALLY  have a big butt 🎉, and if I HAD to get a weird thing for the Christmas of 2020, a life-saving surgery is pretty great. The worst side effect was simply, a back butt.

It’s a good thing my daughter is training to be a tattoo artist. I’ve never wanted a tattoo in my life, but I might need one to cover up the scar. It’s funny how life will change us. 🤣 Massive tattoo here I come!


A woman with a back butt

P.S. Don’t ever get cancer. It comes with all sorts of things that no one wants.

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