Monday, May 18, 2020

A wild animal broke into our house

We've had some strange experiences during quarantine like the wild animal that keeps sneaking through our doggie door.  We aren't sure if it's a squirrel, or a raccoon, but what we do know is that it LOVES dog food.  The other night everyone woke up as our doberman growled.  Then this flash of black matrixed out the doggie door into the night!  I swear, I've never seen my daughters' eyes get that big.  And all of us were a bit freaked out!  Normally I like visitors, but don't put this evil on me!  I don't want visits from the Grim Reaper OR the dog-food-lovin' bandit.

Another time, the Scribe (my 18-year-old) left a sack of Burger King food by her door.  She'd planned to throw it away the next day, but fate had other plans.  When we woke up, the dogs were still asleep in an enclosed room, but someone had shredded the Burger King sack and thrown it around like confetti! We decided later that a racoon either learned the tango or got into a fist fight with one of our cats because fur from both of them littered the floor. 

But the thing that freaks me out about this is that we've seen dangerous creatures where we live: a bobcat, a bear, a moose.... They caught a huge mountain lion a few blocks from our house.  And yes, I know a moose isn't going to fit through the doggie door--I'm not a COMPLETE idiot!  But this sort of thing gets you thinkin'.

So I did the next logical thing!  I wanted to see how big of a creature could fit through the doggie door.  But how? I'm a tall, lean sort of gal--and it hit me; I bet I could fit through that doggie door.  That was preposterous--or was it?  If I could fit, that's terrifying, and we should get a new door!!! Plus, how fun would it be to tell my pre-teen son that I fit--and then immediately tell Mike we're getting a new door that humans can't fit through!!!

My kids are always telling me what I can't do: I can't skateboard.  I can't dress cool.  I can't hug them in the school drop-off zone!  And I can't look young.  Well, I just knew they'd add this to their list!  I looked in the mirror.  I'm a size 3--okay 5 after quarantine--about the size of a medium mountain lion!

With all the skills I've learned from Twister, I was able to origami my upper half through the doggie door, but then my hips got stuck.  I would have called out to the kids, but they didn't need to see their mother stuck in the door--legs kicking as if I was swimming in the Atlantic.  We have a wild animal breaking into our house; they've been traumatized enough.

This made me realize a couple of strange things: I need to stop showing my kids that I'm cool AND I don't know how magician assistants lie in those boxes where they're about to get cut in half.  That's what it felt like squirming in that door--a modern-day Lucille Ball! #facepalm

I got closer to God that day, praying He'd send an angel of mercy to help me.  Thank God it wasn't my husband--Mike would have laughed about this for days! No, God sent a dog who licked my feet.  I was able to practically shoot from the door sideways, finally making it to the other side.   

Well, I didn't tell anyone about this...until now.  Long story short, there's an animal breaking into our house whenever we leave the doggie door open, but my scientific research shows it could be anything smaller than a medium-size mountain lion.

I laughed out loud when I found this picture of myself because the window is about the width of the doggie door.  *Whispering* This is how I trimmed plants when I was a single mom--who didn't own a ladder. 

Anyway, we will be getting rid of the doggie dog ASAP!  Welcome to life in the hills of Idaho.  #GoodTimes  I still think a raccoon is invading our house, but it would be nice to know for sure!

1 comment:

  1. Wow that would be weird having wild animals enter the house via the doggie door