Tuesday, May 12, 2020

A mouse death that turned them vegan

#1 Mice are disgusting.  I probably think this because I've seen so many dead after moving to the hills of Idaho.  But seriously, yuck!

At approximately 8:36 A.M. on Monday morning, right after I'd made the perfect cup of coffee, I went to step (my foot hung mid-air) when something felt off.  They say after someone has died, sometimes the ghost lingers due to "unfinished business."  Well, maybe that's what happened because something told me not to put my foot down.  That's when I looked to see a skinned mouse sprawled, with an intestine hanging out!

My black cat, Cole, looked at me from the corner of the room as I screamed.  He licked his paw and then grinned! The kids "got Cole for Christmas;" too bad the name made him a serial killer!

Motives for crimes usually involve thrill-seeking, financial gain, need for attention, fits of anger or passion.

After Doctor Jones saw the crime scene...and pulled this face....

We began discussing a possible motive.

"Passion?  Was it a crime of passion?" I asked her.  "Cole.  The mouse.  They were in love.  But last night...Cole caught little mousy with another.  That's when it happened."  I moved my arms to set the scene.  "Cole got angry!  Cole got passionate.  Heck, maybe even Cole got hungry."

"Mom!  It WAS NOT a crime of passion.  Cole is. A. Cat. He wouldn't fall in love with a mouse that has no skin."

"What about a need for attention?"

My son, the Zombie Elf, walked into the room at that point.  He's only 11, but he's taller than all the girls now and wears a size 11.5 shoe!  "He didn't kill the mouse for attention," he said.

"Wait.  Why not?"

"Cole doesn't want attention.  I walked past him the other day and he just jumped out and scratched me.  What are other possible motives?" he asked.

"Well, we've crossed off passion, anger and the need for attention.  There are two left: thrill-seeking, and financial gain."

Our bonus kid--who we've practically adopted along with his dog, Stark--against their will, said it actually it could have been for financial purposes.

"Really? Do tell?" I said.

"It's skinned, right?  Cole sold the pelt on the black market."

"No," Doctor Jones said.  "Cole needed a midnight snack. He saw the mouse.  Bam! Mouse death!  End of story.  You're welcome."  

Well, I didn't make the mistake I made last time--mainly because I don't want Mike to kill me. 

So, last time...there was a mouse stuck to sticky paper that's meant for spiders!  I called Mike crying and he told me "to freakin' get over it." Which made me cry even harder because the damn thing had wiggled so hard it ripped off its tail. 

"Pick it up with your hands," he said.  "And throw it away."

"I'm not suicidal!" I shuddered. 

Then he told me to hit it with a hammer, but I don't listen to people who yell at me!  Who I DO listen to...is Google.

I sat there as the mouse wiggled next to me.  Dr. Google said the most humane way to kill a mouse is "to freeze it to death."  So, I grabbed a shovel with a VERY long handle and put the mouse into a bag--which took foooooorever.  Then I found five more bags to contain the mouse's grossness.  But after I put the mouse in the freezer, I kept opening the door over and over because it didn't die for eternity!  And then after it stopped moving, I thought I should make sure it froze solid just so it wouldn't "Pet Sematary" me.  But the damn situation backfired.  I wanted Mike to be proud that I took care of the situation, but when he got home and opened the freezer because he was "feeling like meatloaf," he screamed like a little girl. "What...in the hantavirus...is in our freezer?!"  Let it be known that this was one of THE WORST fights we've ever had.  Even more reason to hate mice.

Anyway, I didn't want a repeat of THAT memory.  So I called the dog, Stark, upstairs on Monday morning when I thought no one was looking.  He ate the mouse remains--just in time for my kids to see.  Long story short, two of my daughters want to be vegans.... 

I hate mice.  They cause fights and make me cry.  I'm telling you; I don't know how we live through this.  I just hope we'll look back and laugh one of these days. Until then, I'll be making vegan burgers and lots of salad. Heaven help me.


  1. This made me laugh and laughing felt good mice don't bother me

  2. I feel very thankful that I could read that awesome article. Thanks for sharing. Keep posting.
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