Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Scribe and Someone Like You

    The Scribe told me she'd signed up for a talent show that would take place THE NEXT DAY.  She talked like it was no big deal.  "I need to sing a song about break-ups.  SO, you need to learn a song on the piano.  I'll sing while you play.  It'll be great and easy."
    For who!  "But the talent show's tomorrow."
    "I know.  I just told you that."
    "And you want me to learn a new song . . . in less than a day?"
    "Well, yeah.  You're a mother aren't you?"
    Like mothers have powers . . . laser vision and boobs of steel.  I'm not a freakin' super hero, but still, I learned Adele's "Someone Like You"--that's what love can do for ya. And by some twist of fate we perfected it enough that I could accompany the Scribe at her talent show.  
    Now the thing about the Scribe is that until Monday, I didn't know she moonlights as a heart-breaker.  Her voice drifted sweet and clear at the performance.  I kept wishing she had a mic, but apparently that didn't matter.  Several parents--and my mother--informed me of what went on while the Scribe sang, "Sometimes it lasts with love, but sometimes it hurts instead."  Apparently several of the boys were nodding forlornly.  One of them was rude and stuck his tongue out at her!  
    After school, I pulled the Scribe aside.  "Why did parents say boys were pointing and nodding while you sang?"
    "Those guys thought the song was about me and them."
    "What?  How many hearts have you broken?"
    "At least ten."
    "Scribe.  That isn't nice."  For living only a decade, she sure thinks she's a teenager.
    "Ten hearts.  That's one a year.  Not bad if you ask me."  She strutted--like a dude!
    "You really think they thought you sang to them?"
    "Oh, yeah," she said.  "I know they did because I talked to each of them separately at recess and told them the song was for them."
    "What?"
    "Yeah.  One kid said he loved me.  I said he shouldn't have kissed Maisy on a dare then!  Boys.  They always want to kiss Maisy and tell."
     "Wow!"  
    "Plus, guys will believe anything.  I'll only date when I meet a smart one who can see through my lies."
    "Oh really?  And you lie often?"
    "Yep."  She shrugged and started singing Adele's "Someone Like You" again as she went up to her bedroom, giggling the whole time.
    Are heart-breakers made or are they just born that way?  The poor guy who catches the Scribe.  He'll have his work cut out for him!  

    In closing, on Monday my book sales for Bible Girl & the Bad Boy were the best they've ever been.  I attribute this to my wise choice of drinks.  Sunday night I drank a coke and my book rating hit 77 on Amazon. I drank black coffee Monday morning and it hit 22. I drank beer and it hit 15. Then one question plagued me . . . What drink could boost sales even more?! What was better than beer, seriously? Holy water?
    Well, apparently water was not the right choice--holy or otherwise.  My ranking plummeted back to 22--which had sounded so fantastic just hours before--maybe ignorance really is bliss.  At least one thing is for sure, I'm never drinking water again, ever.

39 comments:

  1. Oh, she's a heart breaker alright. Rather theirs than hers. Did you really drink holy water?

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    1. It was just regular water. I think God would have struck me down if I went for holy water. Who knows though, it might be a great way to get His attention lol

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  2. Wow! That one...well let's just hope she decides to use her powers for good instead of evil. :)

    Absolutely hilarious!

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    1. I keep hoping ;) At least she hasn't held any more fundraisers for herself. We're on the right track now.

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  3. Unfortunately, the heartbreaker attribute is a gene. It's inherited, so which of you gave it to her?

    I told you, Johnnie Walker Blue Label is the way to go.

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    1. It's not me . . . although when guys (who weren't witty enough for me) used to ask for my number, I never wanted to say no, so I'd give them the number for time instead. You know, "The time is blah blah blah." That worked well until I ran into one of the guys again lol That wasn't the best idea ever.

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  4. LMAO oh that is too funny, she really has them all running around in circles. And you should go for rum, maybe that would work better than water.

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  5. I love a girl that has confidence! She will be a great teenager! :))))

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  6. Your sales plummeted lololol It's because you wanted to outsell Mother Theresa. (insert giggling here)
    As for the Scribe... I love that kid. She's a hero!

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  7. Oh boy, it sounds like you and hubby are going to have your work cut out for you with the Scribe. Maybe rum and coke will do the trick :)

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    1. I could go for a rum and coke right now ;) I might just be drinking rum straight when she's a teenager though ;)

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  8. Having only ever played the bugle, our kids never asked me to accompany them. And the way I played that's a good thing.

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    1. I bet the bugle is so fun. I hope the Scribe will give me more notice next time.

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  9. That proves what I've alwasy believed--drinking water can be fatal!!

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  10. Hehe Elisa - I think you missed the progression, you should have drunk whiskey (not that I can recommend that 'cos I don't drink alcohol) ... maybe 22 is a comfortable place to be :)

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    1. LOL! I'm so excited because my book is still in the twenties :) Maybe water wasn't so bad after all. ;)

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  11. Double espresso ought to do the trick...and for your heart breaker? All I can say is she seems to know what she wants!

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  12. Coke: It's the real thing. Coke should put you on their commercials.

    Be successful with coke.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. That's right! *still giggling* God knows I drink enough of that stuff. ;)

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  13. I think a lot of ten year olds are trying to be teenagers. They're almost there but not quite yet. Not sure about how heartbreakers get to be the way they are, though. Possibly a combination of both (made and born)?

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    1. They're all trying to grow up too fast. It's crazy. I wish I could go back, and they won't enjoy what's right in front of them . . . oh wait, maybe I should take my own advice and enjoy what I have lol Good grief, though . . . I can't believe I'll be thirty next year~!

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  14. Ahh, your little heart breaker. And it's just beginning! Have you tried black black coffee yet? It helps deal with the excitement of book sales coupled with children who are out to crush every ten year old boy's heart within a twenty mile radius... So says the woman with the mug in her hand.

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    1. I'm drinking coffee right now too :) Peppermint creamer, though--YUM ;)

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  15. When she hits 16, she will really rack up the broken hearts.

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    1. The Scribe said when she's sixteen she wants a horse instead of a car. I read your comment to her and she smirked right before saying, "Yeah, me and my horse. The boys will love us." lol

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  16. Ha! I would drink almost anything to get my book to sell. Have you tried drinking the Kool-aid? :)

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  17. Try combining the Coke with rum. If nothing else you simply won't care what the number is at the end of the day. :)

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  18. You should try that coconut water stuff...everyone keeps talking about it;) Congrats on the sales!

    The Scribe sounds so smart, she may be single forever. Smart men can be hard to find;)

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    1. I haven't heard of the coconut water. I need to check it out though. I love anything with coconut in it :)

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  19. Your children are priceless...as are these stories!

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  20. I'm commenting on this post, but I read the one about the fried coke too. But since I can't have sweets, I will focus on your daughter instead. With confidence like that, she will go far, of that I'm sure. Plus she has a lot of confidence in you too -- sure mom can learn a song just like that. Maybe you should have her assist you in promoting your books, if her time permits. She seems to have her promotional skills down pat, like, yes, let me talk to the boys ahead of time. A real fun post about life in your family. And congratulations on the book sales. I'd go with rum and coke, that will do it for sure.

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