Monday, June 11, 2012


This is one of my very favorites, Fishducky!  Thanks for joining us again.  I'll give everyone the latest on the Hippie when I post on Wednesday.


(I wrote this, obviously, when I was 73.  Every word  Most of it  Some of it is true.  Years 74-77 haven’t seen much improvement.)


My legs are sore.  I need a cane.
My body has gone quite insane.
My breasts were perky as a song.
My bra size now is 40-Long.
I cannot hear.  I cannot see.
I have to pee.  Oh, woe is me!
My body’s fat.  My skin is thin.         
I do not like the shape I’m in.   
I cough–I cough until I choke.   
I’m going out to have a smoke.
My bones are brittle, I fear my fate.
I’m liable to disintegrate.
My memory now seems to have gone.
Who is that standing on my lawn?
It’s my husband Bud–or is his name Paul?
I thought he died–I can’t recall.
The thermometer says it’s 63.
I don’t know why it lies to me.
I can’t stop sweating–watch me pour.
My body says it’s 104.
My joints creak and pop so bad
I’m like a steel drum from Trinidad.
Leg cramps woke me again last night.
Why is my skin so loose and my muscles tight?
My health is iffy.  I may not thrive.
But life is good–and I’m still alive!
And yet I wonder more and more
What I’ll be like at seventy-four!

    My friend, Barbara, is a couple of years younger than me.  When someone asks her name, she says, “How soon do you need to know?”  I often march into a room, open a drawer or cupboard & have no idea of what I’m looking for.  If you haven’t done that yet, don’t worry—you will!

If you’re still not sure what getting older is like, this is a good description:

And this one is even better:

Of course, there are some advantages to aging.  You worry less, like Sadie, below:

And you finally have the time to do things that are important to you:



I never realized it, but apparently punctuation marks also get old:

  Now that I think of it, getting old isn’t really so bad.  All the pressure is off!


    My philosophy is, “Don’t worry what people think of you.  They probably aren’t thinking of you at all!”  And, from an email that Melynda sent me, something I learned to do as I got older: “Handle every stressful situation like a dog—just pee on it & walk away!”
Here’s a list someone sent me:
"OLD" IS WHEN.....
…..Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs & make love," & you say, "Honey, I can't do both!"
..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes & you're barefoot.
..... A sexy babe catches your fancy & your pacemaker opens the garage door.
..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
..... Getting a little action means you don't need to take any fiber today.
..... Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
..... An all nighter means not getting up to pee.

These were just a few of the fragments of my fossilized brain----fishducky

                      PS—Your kids probably see you this way NOW:


  1. Hahahaha, most of these are hysterical but one is scaring me...
    If I need something out of the cupboard, I usually don't remember why even even went into the room let alone make it to the cupboard to remember what I wanted! And I haven't even hit 30 yet!

  2. LMAO ohhh now I don't want to get old. Does not sound like a pleasant experience, but I guess it has it's perks.

    1. I got old, but I obviously haven't grown up!

  3. Hehehe ... good one but I wish I hadn't read it as I rapidly approach Geezerhood ... wah!

    1. Welcome, Graham! Keep taking those gorgeous photos, even if your hands get shaky. You could always use a tripod.

  4. ELISA--You can stop thanking me. I absolutely LOVE doing these posts (& no--I still don't want my own blog)!!!

  5. Yes, that poem is my favorite too. I'm so glad Graham showed up here with a comment. He is one of my favorite blogger friends, well, I guess I told you that before since you know about his photos. See, I'm old too. Come to my blog tomorrow if you would like to see art by Fishducky and, no, this time it will not be pen-and-ink, but something else that I really love.

  6. Graham didn't know where I posted until I recently sent him an email. He's now a follower.

    As for your post tomorrow--be there or be square! (& you know I'm not square!)

  7. Funny stuff, Elisa. I needed a laugh and I found it here. Especially loved the line about the alligator shoes

  8. Not getting up to pee during the night? Impossible! A cute, funny post as always, Madam fishducky.


  9. JANIE--That's why God gave us Depends!

  10. What an eye opener, like my grandma used to say:"after 50 is patch, patch, patch..." Fishducky you're super funny, thanks Elisa for giving this hilarious lady an outlet...

    1. My husband says I'm super funny, too, but I think he means "funny pecular", not "funny ha ha"!

  11. That was an odd way to spell “peculiar”, wasn’t it?

  12. Thanks for sharing this...I can totally relate...I will be sharing this post for sure!!!

    1. You're welcome! Everyone can relate--eventually!

  13. One of the best poems I've read in a while, and I don't even like poems.

    1. I'm so glad you liked this one.
      I once read it to my son.
      He said he would gladly wait
      YEARS for this to be his fate!

  14. Dear Fran, I laughed throughout this delight posting that really does illustrate the reason why Bette Davis said that "growing old ain't for sissies!" And I'm still chuckling because I think I must be one of "The Chosen"---just a lazy bum. There's nothing I like better than staring off into space! Peace.

    1. Ah, how fortunate are "The Chosen"! I had to train for years to reach the position I'm in now--prone!!

  15. Oh goodness, this is a cruel and funny reminder of what is to come if hopefully God willing one gets old. I am here catching up on all the posts I missed during my computer woes, so good to be back.

  16. Fishducky - you are are rockin' 73! Good for you! And you crack me up!

    1. I'm now 77--I need to use smaller rocks! And I can't crack myself up any more--too hard to get put back together!

  17. Holy hell I'm still laughing! This was truly one of your most awesome post! I needed a good laugh thank you~

    1. You're welcome--always happy to make a fellow crazy lady laugh!