Monday, June 4, 2012

Pop Quiz: Fishducky Funday

Fishducky will now be posting every Monday and Friday. I'll be posting every Wednesday. Take it away, Fishducky!

All right, children—settle down. We’re going to have a test. Please line up in alphabetical order, according to height, oldest first. Make sure your crayons are sharpened. Do not look at your neighbor’s paper. He probably doesn’t know the answers, either. Ready? Begin. 

1. I thought it was funny when someone pasted a full-sized picture of Phyllis Diller’s face on my mirror. Who put up the picture? 

a. My husband 
b. One of my kids 
c. Nobody--that was really my reflection 

2. What is the greatest achievement of the human race? 

a. Democracy 
b. Space flight 
c. TV remote control 

3. Who actually combined a sign advertising fruit & a sign at a gas station together in her mind & read them as “nectarine on duty”? 

a. Nobody in their right mind 
b. Fishducky 
c. Both of the above 

4. What picture do you get when you play “connect the dots” with the spots on my face? 

a. The skyline of Manhattan 
b. Three elephants & an aardvark 
c. I don’t know, but the idea frightens me 

5. Dinner is normally ready to be served when?

a. Around 6:00pm 
b. After you place your order at the restaurant 
c. The smoke alarm goes off 

6. What do you call those shoes the podiatrist makes me wear after I break a toe? 

a. Orthopedic sandals 
b. Even uglier than O. J. Simpson’s “Manolo Blahnik’s” 
c. Toe boats 

7. This actually happened when a prospective flight attendant was being interviewed. She was asked what she would do if she were flying at 30,000 feet & a cabin door suddenly blew off. What was her answer? (Hint--she got the job.) 

a. I would remain calm & assess the situation 
b. I would make sure everyone had their seat belts on 
c. I would s**t!!! 

8. What does the expression “There’s a light at the end of the tunnel” mean? 

a. A bad situation will eventually end 
b. Things will work themselves out 
c. Get off the tracks, you idiot--a train’s heading right towards you!! 

9. There is a “Twilight Zone” episode in which a harried New Yorker boards a commuter train, falls asleep & wakes up in the 1800’s as they make a stop at a town called Willoughby, where everything is peaceful. He “passes through” there every evening on his way home, enjoying the idyllic scene through the window. One evening he decides to get off the train there & dies of a heart attack. His body is taken to the Willoughby Funeral Home. There is a street named Willoughby a few miles from our home. When we pass it, my husband tells me, “Willoughby, your stop.” I don’t have any reason to get out there. What is he trying to tell me? 

a. Here we are, dear--I love you 
b. I only live to serve you 
c. Get out--the free ride is over 

10. What is a quincunx? 

a. A dessert made from quinces 
b. Quintuplet sisters gone bad
c. This:

11. I was shopping recently & asked for a senior discount. What did they accept as proof of my age? 

a. My AARP card 
b. My driver’s license 
c. My face 

12. I purchased a box of Animal Crackers. There was a warning: If seal is broken, do not eat. What did this mean? 

a. They are trying to guarantee cleanliness 
b. Some crackers may break during shipping 
c. It’s OK to eat the other animals 

BONUS QUESTION: What is a persecution complex? 

a. A belief that everybody hates you 
b. A belief that people pick on you for no reason 
c. I don’t know!! Why am I the ONLY one who has to answer this question? Why can’t you just leave me alone???? 

Please hand in your papers. Class dismissed----fishducky


  1. LOL !!This is a very interesting paper. Much needed humor plus human situations we all get into. I think I can dare look at myself in the mirror now. My asthma and lack of sleep make me hesitate to look at my self.

    1. In a yet-unpublished post I talk about removing my bathroom mirror & writing "YOU LOOK FINE" on the wall--might not be a bad idea!!

  2. A quiz? Why are you torturing me?
    1. I know this one! Easy it's 3.
    2. Depends on who you ask. Men would say 3
    3. this is also 3. I'm on a roll now baby!
    4. I'm gonna have to say C.
    5. At my house it's C so that is what I'm going with. How else am I supposed to know when it's done now that I can't see? Duh!
    6.B and three X more uncomfortable. Wanna guess how I know that?
    7. C oh please tell me it's C!!!!
    8. Again C. I grew up saying stuff like that to my brothers.
    9. I'm gonna say B cause I know the answer is C and that just not nice. lol
    10. B. Those are some nasty women right there.
    11. Again C.
    12. You're making this to easy. it's C. Only the seal can't be eaten.
    Bonus is also C! I win. What do I win? Oh fine! This is one of your best! Hilarious.. Well done woman! Love ya!

    1. I made this test easier than I normally would because I knew you'd be taking it. ALL the correct answers were "c"--except the ones that weren't. Glad you liked it!!!!!!!!!!

    2. I was kind of thinking...could be one of those trick "all of the above at any given moment kind of things...

  3. If these are the types of quizzes you give out then please sign me up to be in your class! I would readily go back to school!

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Wonderful! Please fill out the application below & submit it by July ist.

      I am willing to pay $__________________ per semester to attend your school.

      Sign here_____________________________

  4. Wow your school would rule, even enough for a rhyming fool..haha

  5. That's so funny I darn near peed. Oops! Gotta go!


    1. To keep in the prime of my writing in rhyme, it would be such a crime if you didn't make it in time!

    2. Damn! You got me started again. And I won't say what I started.

  6. I want your followers to know that I am not usurping your blog!! I am only posting twice a week through the summer so you can take some MUCH NEEDED time for yourself!!!

  7. Oh boy, I have to pee too so I'll cut this short with one brilliant answer to every question: C!!!!

    1. As I have said before, if I can make one person smile, or pee their pants, my day was not wasted!

  8. OH, I have had WAY too much cold medicine for this. Let's just write EPIC FAIL across my head and call it a day, shall we?

  9. You must be in really bad shape if you can't pass this test! Want to try it again? If you don't, you'll have to repeat the class next year. I'll give you a hint--none of the answers are "a" or "b".

    1. Fishducky, by the end of the day I couldn't have told you my own name let alone what a or b was. Tony gave me his cooties... stupid man cold cooties. In this case sharing was not caring, and I was left to die on the couch a horrible sniffling congested mess.

      Until this morning, when I was finally feeling much better.

  10. I think this test was rigged. My pencil broke. I didn't look at that person's paper. Uh, okay then.

  11. Such a fun quiz! And such a fun blogging break I'm already having. :0) Thanks for guest posting.

  12. Love this! I laughed myself silly! Only problem is, I was silly before I started. I'll bet I got all the right answers too.

    1. If you were silly before you started, you're in the right place!

  13. Dear Fishducky! Only you could get me laughing with test questions!


    1. Have you been tested for that? It could be serious.

  14. You had me laughing fishducky.Putting humor into self exams is hard, really.Now, I am feeling better.Thanks!