Wednesday, August 20, 2014

We Are Living in a Sexist Society

   Call this a rant. Call me a feminist. Say that I'm trying to get out some angry frustration because my four-year-old has surgery tomorrow.... I don't care what people may say about me now because the reality is I've been planning to post this for a few months.
    Many of you know I started my photo challenge early in 2014 (post a picture a day for a year). Well, I didn't make it a year (yet another goal unmet after my divorce....), but I did learn A LOT. Some pics were silly, stupid, racy, but they were all meant to be fun. 
    I did notice something strange early on though; some of the pics were garnering attention I hadn't expected--from women.....

    Even though my book sales began to soar, I had strangers emailing me; some were very kind and concerned while other were quite venomous. 
    A dear friend from long ago sent this to me:

Is this really how you want to be seen?  Your Facebook is public.  Your blog is public.  As a woman, if you aren't a good mother or wife, what are you? That's our place in this world.  Are these pictures showing the "YOU" you want to be and are? A good wife and mother? This isn't the person I knew.
Love ya, girl.

My response:

Dear Friend,
    I'm divorced--and I'm surprised you didn't notice that, since most of my pics are about divorce. I guess I wasn't the best wife on Earth, nor am I perfect--like God. Sometimes I suck at everything and succeed at nothing. Other days I hold the world by its tail.
    I'm a regular girl trying to get by. I'm a single mother, a momentary hero to my kids, an alright cook, a tired writer, a student without a job, an ex-wife, a washed-up businesswoman, an achiever AND a failure...but on the bright side, I think I have nice hair! 
  If you aren't a good wife or mother, what are you? YOU can be anything you want to be. It's foolish to impose limits on ourselves--limits that only exist in one's mind.
  I know you mean well, but I'm just trying to have fun. And--as a bonus--my book sales are climbing! This helps me have extra money to support my kids.
 photo 31idea19_zps9e8e311f.jpg   

Another email, from a reader of mine stated: 

  Some people might be offended by the pictures of you.

  Emails like this dumbfounded me especially after, with my boyfriend's permission, I started posting pictures of him in a swimsuit. Did anyone send upset emails? No.
    I even posted this pic, and got a response solely about my top--and to think HE wasn't even wearing one!
 photo 224C40E9-2DCC-4D36-87DB-4F812DEE768F_zpstnr63hxz.jpg

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that responses like this, (and the fact that I've discovered how hard it is being a single mom) well, it's discouraging. Life is hard enough, being a woman, fighting to get a high-paying job, being treated like an object on some dates (before meeting Mike of course *blushing*)--even if I wore a turtleneck and baggy pants some men expected a kiss saying things like, "Come on, baby. Just one kiss, dinner was expensive!"
 photo bowling_zps27f6d366.jpg

   This post might seem ridiculous to most. But I just want to say that no matter your sex, your race, your creed...and for women: your pant size, your bra size, your orientation, your height, your outer "beauty," your tattoos, your naired lip--like mine--I don't care. Just be yourself. Make goals! Shoot for the freakin' stars. I'm an AWESOME example of failure. I'm failing right now. But I'm determined to outlast all the bullshit and keep moving forward, beyond my haters, nay-sayers, and all who don't really care. I hope somebody out there will "get" this post. I hope YOU will see your potential :)

Best to you--I'll post about Indy's surgery tomorrow,

 photo 3752d60b-0f20-4f25-9801-49ea3498ad77_zpsd68c9f32.jpg


  1. Yea, first picture to me is a bit of a shock but that is what is needed sometimes I guess. I know for me if I was skinny and could wear a bikini and post pictures, I would!!! You got to be you, you have to do what makes YOU happy NOT the rest of the world. No one knows what is best for you other than yourself and God!

    Good vibes your way for surgery tomorrow!

  2. I pray that Indy's surgery goes well tomorrow!!

    The only thing that I think you're a failure at is being a failure--you are a work in progress, as are we all!!

  3. Life is such a unique experience for every person. The fact that you push boundaries and put yourself out there will no doubt offend those that aren't confident enough to do it themselves.
    I know a few MALES that like to flex and flaunt their bodies and post topless selfies on a regular basis.
    I don't get offended.
    I might roll my eyes a bit, but I move on. Why waste a perfectly good ten minutes constructing a hateful message to said person just to make them feel bad, when the real problem lies with me not being more accepting.
    And as far as the women go... So I'm not as curvy, tan, or boobalicious as some other women in this world. Why get angry? Why not look at them as a model or an obtainable goal. Everybody needs one.
    Sure, the human barbie craze might be a bit extreme ( but
    These people aren't injuring me. They aren't laughing in my face about my personal failures. These are proud and ambitious people. As long as they aren't trampling others to get to where they are, I shouldn't act hurt or offended at their appearance. Should I?

  4. If you're doing what you makes you happy, having fun, helping out your family etc then the rest of world can go pound sand as far as I'm concerned.

    Too many people would rather pull someone down with them than high five them and say "Go for it!"

  5. My Facebook comment re-posted here: Elisa: You are a lovely young lady. You're not a failure and I applaud all that you're trying to do for your family, yourself and your boyfriend (lucky guy, btw). I find your pictures to be funny with a unique blend of beauty, innocence and flirtiness--the kind of photos pre-teen girls take when their with friends. Your joy at being with those you love and care about shines through every image. Best wishes to you and all your endeavors.

  6. Hi Elisa. I really hope Indy's surgery goes well (or went well). Big hug to you. Better days will come, just don't give up. You know life is hard, it sucks at times what happens but it is the reality of our society. Why can't people just try to encourage each other and not point fingers, blame others for their problems and stop judging? ~sigh!~ We all just want to live our lives and make ourselves and our kids (if we have any) happy. There's nothing wrong with that. All that you can do in your life, (it is your life that God gave you) is to be happy as you can, whine at times, laugh more, cry when you need to; but don't give up, and don't lose faith in who you are. You're never ever going to make others happy at what you do, not all of th e time. Just shake it off. Keep it moving!

  7. I've enjoyed the photos tremendously because they're cute and because you seemed to be having a good time with them. I've had a good time teasing you about them. I want you to be happy. You were a good wife. It's not your fault that your husband didn't keep up his end of the relationship. You're definitely a good mom. You are a good writer, too, and I'm glad your books are selling. I look forward to finding out that Indie's surgery went well.

    Your Mother From Another Planet

    P.S. The extra blood work to check my thyroid came back. I do not have hypothyroid, so that's a relief. Thanks for getting the title of that book for me.

    1. I also agree that I loved teasing you. :) Sadly though, the double standard is the society we live in. Was I worried that you could bring a negative image to you, yes. But a Google image search of your name quickly showed that clearly you are more known for your work than your ta-tas. And I get it... new boobs are a new toy... show 'em off... but be careful young padawan... their Jedi power is great. :)

      Glad her surgery went well. And Janie's right, you were a good wife, and he was a good husband.... just not for each other.

      And come you didn't tell me of your thyroid issues as well? We could commiserate together! :)

  8. I hope Indie's surgery went well.

    It's probably really tough being a single mom. You're a strong lady, and I'm sure you'll make it through. Don't listen to the naysayers. You're a good mom! And yes, you have pretty hair, nice eyes, and a lovely smile!

  9. Praying for your daughter and you all…

    On your increased attention, it is even impacted your commenters like me. I received an email from someone the other day who asked if I could get them copies of your books. Evidently, I am now guilty by association--thanks Elisa.

  10. (1) you should feel free to post whatever you want--a bikini pic tells your kids to be fearless (2) minus intentionally hurting others, we are perfect simply because we exist

  11. Elisa,
    Hi! I think that you should ignore the negative comments.