Monday, February 6, 2012

I was held hostage!

    I always got caught.  I couldn't spit without my parents seeing me. 
    "Why am I always in trouble?" I asked my mom once.
    "Because, I've caught you doing some bad things.  They say parents will only see ten percent of the mischievous stuff their teenagers do.  Imagine the ninety percent I'm missing."
    There was no ninety percent.  There was only one-hundred since the woman caught me EVERY TIME I did something bad, seriously.  The time I battled in a spray paint war and got my best friend in the eye--my mom knew about that right before we went to the doctor.  The time I accidentally started our driveway on fire--of course my mom saw the smoke.  The time I made holes in the bookshelf since it made a nice waterfall with all my mom's fine glasses angled just right  and water flowing down--she found that too--what were the odds?!
    I was a pretty good kid--who never got the ninety percent--but I hoped change hung in the wind.  That's when I decided to sluff.  I put it in my planner because I refused to get anything less than a "B."  I was on track to graduate two trimesters early and earn a scholarship.  I wouldn't screw that up for anything.  
    *As a side note: I did graduate early, I never used my scholarship. Instead, I fell in love, ran away to Hawaii with Cade and then went to college years later--after my scholarship ran out--real smart AND expensive . . . I know.*
   Anyway, some of my best friends at the time were four boys.  They were all Mormon and extremely happy-go-lucky.  I'm still not sure who thought of it, but when we left the school, I hid in the trunk with one of the guys.  I always had a crush on him, but I would have rather died than let him know.  After all, he believed in Joseph Smith and I didn't.  At the time, I refused to date someone with such different beliefs.
    "Why are we in the trunk again?" I asked him a bit confused.  I did like the sensation, though, and I vowed to try it again soon.
    "It might be funny to scare people," he said.
    We hadn't closed the trunk the whole way.  "Scare . . . people?"
    "Yeah, when Dave stops at a light, I'll open the trunk and we should both start screaming for help, like the other guys have taken us hostage."


    It was the best idea ever--better than spray paint, fiery driveways and waterfalls all mixed up.  "Let's do this thing," I said because I was fifteen and a goofball.
   So, we stopped at a light.  My buddy pushed up the trunk and started hollering.  "Help!" I yelled with him.  "They've taken us hostage."  The guy in the car behind us looked stunned AND pale!  The light must have turned then because we sank back into the trunk and I swear the driver behind us cracked a smile right before I lost sight of him.  Good, he knew it was a joke, after he almost pooped himself.
    We drove around town, really pressing our luck.  I remember worrying that sometime the car behind us would be a cop--after all, I never got the ninety percent.  
    It wasn't until the last time we did it that I felt bad.  My friend opened the trunk and by that time I'd turned into the actress of the century.  "We're gonna die," I yelled.  I grabbed my friend by the collar and screamed into his face, shaking him all the while.  "They hid us in here."  I probably even had fake tears streaming down my face.  But when I looked at the woman in the Cadillac behind us, I felt terribly bad.  She was old, really old.  She didn't realize it was a joke.  She started gawking at the license plate.  She pulled out her cell.  "NO!"  My friend and I screamed.  She just jotted down the numbers and looked serious.
    Dave floored it after that.  And I swear the woman followed us for a bit because if old ladies know anything, it's how to drive fast and make good tea!  Every time we opened the trunk, there she was with that short, curly hair and those penetrating eyes of doom.
    We finally did lose her and I punched my friend in the arm.  "This was a bad idea!  I finally got my ninety percent and we pushed things too far."
    "Ninety percent?"
    I explained things to him and he laughed.  "No, she must have known we were joking at the end."
    "That's what I'm worried about.  You should have flashed your CTR ring.  Maybe she would have given us a break."  CTR is a Mormon thing.  If I've learned anything from growing up in Utah, it's that Mormons forgive each other.  Odds were, that woman was Mormon. 
    "Do you think she called the cops?" I asked after a moment. 
    "Maybe, but we're under age.  We have a few more years to live things up and have the time of our lives.  Don't worry so much.  Today is about having fun. This is Dave's car; he'd rather die than rat any of us out.  Concentrate on not getting caught, and you'll finally get away with it."
   So we went to Burger King and I felt pretty neat.  We'd pretended to be hostages and gotten away with it.  I was the lanky prankster, the one who finally got a ninety percent.
    We sat down and I ate a huge Whopper.  Life never tasted so good.  "You know, having a ninety percent, well it feels real great."
    The guys chuckled.  "Yep, and you're practically one of the boys now.  You passed our initiation."  
    Another one nodded.  "Plus, it's nice having a girl around to play hostage; it's more believable."
    We told jokes and laughed.  I was the luckiest girl in the world . . . until my dad walked into Burger King!
    "Oh crap." I whispered and felt my ninety percent flying out the window.  "Why do I always get caught?!"
    My dad looked as happy as ever.  He's one of the most amazing people, who never goes INSIDE fast food restaurants.   
    "Did he see us?" I asked the guys.
    One shook his head.  "I don't think so.  But like I said before, you're one of the boys now.  We'll get you out of this.  Here's what we're gonna do."

To be continued tomorrow . . .


  1. Oh my goodness, I would have felt to guilty before being able to even do that! LOL! My friend and I chased a cow herd when we were about 6 and she later got yelled at by the farmer (I had gone home) and peed her pants...I should feel bad but I still laugh! I am such a 'think about every possible consequence' type of person that I talk myself out of almost everything...yet I still manage to have some fun ;)

  2. LOL that would have been quite fun, sounds like a blast. But yeah I'd feel guilty over fooling the old woman too. Should be interesting to see if you got caught, my vote is yes..haha

  3. That's such a mean place to leave it at. Must read more.

    Also - that poor old lady. And I agree, I swear my mother only ever caught me when I did something wrong.

  4. Too bad about the old lady. Can't wait to see what happened next.

  5. Argh! Always with the cliffhangers. :)

    Can't wait to see how this turns out.

  6. You've finally made me feel lucky to be old--I grew up before cell phones. Therefore MUCH harder to call the police!! Not that that would've ever been necessary--YEAH, RIGHT!!

  7. "And I swear the woman followed us for a bit because if old ladies know anything, it's how to drive fast and make good tea!"
    I love when you include lines like this in your's signature Elisa.
    And I can't wait until tomorrow for the rest of the story.

  8. I liked the finger picture, did you draw that? LOL, looking forward to part two :D

  9. I think they did something like that on that show Jackass. I have a feeling it probably ended up better for them than it did for you...

  10. Good, I'm hoping you did get your 90% in the end.

  11. I could never have gone for that prank. Would have been too afraid that I would actually scare somebody or they would have called the police or something. Of course, I couldn't have pulled it off, anyways, because I would have burst out laughing and ruined the theatrical performance. I did hide in the trunk once to get into the drive-in, though. One time I hit the 90%, I guess. ;) Can hardly wait for the rest, you rascal!! ;)

  12. Dear Elisa,
    I'm really enjoying these continued stories you've been telling in the last month or so. You are a born storyteller.


  13. Ohhh the curse of being one of the boys!!!!! Thatis my whole life story. Sigh...

    So did you get caught?!?!? lol

  14. This is incredible. I cannot wait for more. My kind of gal!

  15. I tried very hard not to become hysterical laughing while watching those two fingers but it just didn't work.~Mary

  16. How did you set the driveway on fire?


    1. Hairspray, lighter fluid and paper. We had no idea how dangerous it was. We just thought it was fun writing words on the driveway. I was in Jr. High.

  17. What I have to wait for the end
    Sounds like fun though, I also could never get away with anything and if I tried to lie well I could like with a straight face back then but when I was telling the truth I would get the giggles and my parents thought I was lieing and got into trouble

  18. Gah! Why do you always do these "To be continued tomorrow" posts? At least it's better than the "To be continued" episodes of my shows - I have to wait a week for the conclusions to those that I watch live, not a day!

    Of course you always got caught - you did some pretty noticeable things when you misbehaved! I mean, really, no offense, but who wouldn't notice a driveway on fire? ;)

  19. OMYGOSH.... I was the get caught one too!!! can't wait till your next post!! xo HHL

  20. You do know that whatever you did will eventually turn around on you in the form of your own kids, right? The way I see it, you are doomed when The Hippie hits her stride.

  21. I love this! I grew up with three boys right down the street who used to cause trouble all of the time. Oddly enough one grew up to be a cop! However, I must admit I was usually a good child and my mom also very lenient. I've always wondered what I could have gotten away with. Can't wait to hear the rest of this.

  22. Hmmm, this should have an entertaining ending.

    For some lessons, being in trouble with the parents pales to getting yanked out of a vehicle and thrown on the ground, while being surrounded by emergency vehicle lights and Glock 40s.

  23. Cute story..ah, to be a kid again!

  24. heeheehee! you're too cute! looking forward to more!

  25. Sounds like you are a true thrill-seeker:)
    Thanks for sharing your story,

  26. Had me hooked, Can't wait for the continuation. Memories are fun. ;)

  27. I was worried until the end. Suspense never fails when you write this good. Thanks for sharing this. I was very worried about these people stuck in the trunk, yikes :(

  28. Your suspenseful endings are so well done. Looking forward to what happens next...or am I?