Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Sucker Punch; Part I

If an old friend from junior high calls and says, "I want to go out for lunch today and thought I'd see what you're up to," HANG UP THE PHONE!
You're about to get sucker punched!


Last week I was innocent, dumb and happy!  When my "friend from adolescence" called I actually jumped with excitement.  I haven't seen her in a long time.  We weren't the best of friends, but hung out a lot when Clinton and Monica were hiding their love.  She has three kids now (a twin boy and girl as well as an older boy.)  I've wanted to see her and her babies for years because we used to have a blast together.

So she called and said, "I want to go out for lunch today and thought I'd see what you're up to."

"I'm completely free today," I blurted.  "All my kids are off track and our kids can play."  I giggled inside thinking we'd really get to hang out and catch up.  We'd have a ball.

Well, I shouldn't have giggled.  I should have run away.  As you read this, don't judge me; you might have made the wrong choice too and that's why I'm writing this story.  Maybe I took one for the team.  I wasn't smart enough to withstand her guile, but you can learn from my mistake!

"I'm so glad you're free, because I need someone to watch my kids while I go to lunch," she said.  "Can I drop them by around noon?  You're a lifesaver."

I paused, totally struck off-guard.  Was she serious?  I hadn't seen her in years and she wanted me to watch her kids.  I had never met them.  The happy situation had practically fallen off a cliff!  I went from excitement, to being the lifesaver who'd watch her three-year-old twins and their older brother.  

I don't mind kids.  I'm not the best with them if they aren't related to me or a VERY VERY close friend, but I don't enjoy babysitting new kids.  

That sounds horrible, but there's a reason behind every story.  
Once, when I was a teenager, I was asked to watch five-year-old twins.  A boy and a girl.  Their parents had just gone through a nasty divorce, where the kids didn't feel like anyone wanted them.  It was sad, horribly sad, but that didn't give them the right to torture me like they did.  They were worse than Peter Pan and his Lost Boys.  

It all began when those two sweet-looking, rich children asked if I'd play capture the robbers.   

"Absolutely."  I smiled, feeling bad for them.  They'd gone through so much and I wanted them to have the best time ever.  

"All right," the boy said.  He stroked his babyish chin and thoughtfully pointed to a few jump ropes.  "Those'll do the trick, Sis.  Lay down like you're the robber we caught in our bank!  We need to tie you up real good and tight.  That's what bankers do to the robbers."

I giggled and rested my head on the expensive carpet.  "Wow, you two sure have great imaginations."  As they tied me up, I grinned like a fool!  My heart told me they'd never tie me tight enough; they were only five.  I learned a lesson that day; My heart was wrong!  They tied a million boy scout knots.  I wriggled like a snake on hot coals, but couldn't get free.  Those twins laughed.  Their faces contorted in amusement and the taint of mischief danced in their eyes.  That's when they shut the bedroom door and left the house.
I screamed; yelled for minutes on end.  I rolled next to the door, but couldn't open it no matter how hard I tried.  It wasn't until the neighbor came to the front door, that I was saved.  

"Hello?" she hollered because apparently the twins hadn't shut the front door.  "Your kids are playing in the middle of the street and it's raining."

"I'm here!"

"Anyone home?"

"I'm up here!  Help.  Help.  They tied me up like a robber!"

She found me and untied the jump ropes quickly after that.  I remember blushing, mortified.  I'd been duped by five-year-old twins who liked playing in the rain!

That's why I dislike watching new kids--especially twins I don't know.  I turn into this drill sergeant who loathes jump ropes AND bankers!  It's a shocking change as if I can break children of their bad--boy scout knot--habits in less than twenty minutes.  Maybe like the first half of Nanny McPhee, just without the whomping stick and the total ugly appearance. 


I don't grow moles, and things all over my face, the second new kids come to my house but I do turn stricter than when the U. S. banned liquor.   If I am like Nanny McPhee, the movie never gets to the end because there's no happy reunion and pigs don't dance and fly when I babysit.

I thought of the metamorphosis that would surely unfold if I watched my friend's kids.  I'd heard about those children on facebook--what darling terrors they are. I wanted to run, to say, "no, no."  But that girl from my past persisted.

"I never get to go to lunch.  You're the only person I'd trust with my kids.  Plus your other ones are off track.  You just said it.  Maybe they can all play and have a great time."

I couldn't believe I was the only person she'd trust with her kids.  Poor soul!  That melted my resolve.  "Sure I'll watch them," I said.

When they showed up at the door, I looked at their amused faces and knew that was the beginning of the end.  A great battle waited in our future!


  1. I'm not sure what I would do if this happened to me! Thanks for visiting me. I'm following you now!

  2. You poor thing! I promise I wont do that to you! Of course, I don't have twins... Maybe I could borrow someones twins...

  3. Hi! Poor little one!

    I'm your newest follower! Come visit me!


  4. Wow..what a crazy story! I would have actually said no to her though..I mean how could you be so rude after having not seen someone in years?! Your telling me shes never had a baby sitter before?!

  5. Newest follower from the Fab Friends Thursday hop ^^
    Please check out my blog and follow back.
    Thanks! :)

  6. Thanks for blog hopping my way!!! Im a new follower

  7. Thanks for stopping by the Fab Friends Thursday Blog Hop! Come back and visit soon! Im following back! Have a wonderful day!

    All that Glitters: Girly Fashion Trends

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  8. no WAY! You actually did it? You are a SAINT! :)

  9. I don't know what I would do if I had been in that position. I can't believe someone would actually ask that... Wow..
    Thanks for visiting and following me from the Hop, I am so glad you did! I love the way your write and your stories are hilarious! I am now a new and eager follower of yours. :)

  10. Oh my, I cannot believe it! You are so nice to watch her kiddos!

  11. Wow... she's got a nerve to ask you to look after her kids - you're an angel to do it :) xo

  12. Great post, Elisabeth. I was rooting for you all the way through - even though I knew it wouldn't end well!

  13. Following you back from The Steady Hand!

  14. Your blog is so lovely! And rather hilarious. Thank you so much for stopping by mine, as well. Definitely following you ♥

  15. I am following you now! Not in a stalkerish way but in a good "I really like your blog way" Love your wit! I look forward to reading your blog in the future!


  16. My goodness you're a good friend! That's just crazy.

    Thanks for stopping by Blossom Heart! New follower now :)

  17. Hello! : )
    Hoppin over and now your newest follower! Please come visit my blog and follow back!
    Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids

  18. Really! People do that to each other! Here I am I haven't seen you in years, and by the way could you watch my kids why I do other things? What? Dear Lord the nerves of people, or maybe it is the fact that I am a mean SOB and just push off that air to others.

    P.S. I am free to watch kids........not really.

  19. Real or not real? Wow!! I always get stuck like that so I can sympathize, blah!

  20. Following you back! This post is so hilarious :)

  21. You are sugar to a fly.

  22. That person was so rude! You were nice to keep all those kids.
    I'm following back from today's hop. Thanks for following at Mom Always Finds Out.


  23. Thanks for following me at
    You are not the only one who has been sucker punched so I feel your pain. These things have happened to me too.I am older and wiser now and try not to fall for it. I am a new follower form Blog Hop.

  24. Real . . . Unfortunately. I got sucker punched LOL!

  25. Learned your lesson huh! LOL Thank you for stopping by my blog and following. And I am still cracking up at the nine year old coffee addict! Too freak'n funny!

    I am your newest follower and look forward to another entertaining post.


  26. Love your story! Thanks so much for dropping by and joining in my blog, will be back to explore more...

  27. Seriously, although she melted your heart that was so cruel. LOL

  28. Funny stuff - reminds me of the time we (a group of teachers) agreed to go to the casino with Barb, a former teacher who retired MANY years ago. I don't like casinos, and didn;t have much in common with a 70-year old chain smoking Bingo player, but I agreed to go because everyone else was going.

    So it's the morning of the big day, and the phone rings. It's Barb. She's like, "So are you ready to go gamble?" and I'm like "Oh yeah, got my lucky troll doll and everything!" - and that's when she says, "Good, because everyone else backed out, so it's just me and you!"