Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Mimes--I have an obsession

I'll admit it.  Here I go confessing again, but I'm in love with mimes.  I think I'd make a great one.  I wouldn't have to talk, nag or yell, and I'd still get to write my blog.  They're just romantic and amazing.   
Miming . . . 
where people don't need to speak 
to say what they mean.

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I'd love to be a mime.  I could pull a piano out of thin air, and when I played it, no one else would hear my LOUD music.  Then they'd be curious and wish they could hear it--ha!  Plus, mimes can make anything.  They make: walls, apples, drinks (which I always assume are water--you don't imagine a mime drinking pepsi or anything.)  They make weapons, instruments, happiness.  When you're a mime you're better than superman!  

If you get arrested, the cop won't bother telling you to remain silent.  Then during the trial you can be your own witness and mime in front of the captive jury.  If you do a poor job and they send you to the slammer you don't even need to change your clothes.  Why?  Because you're a mime!

Here are some great examples of why miming is awesome:

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No one can hear mime fights. I bet their suspenders don't even snap in our realm.
Doesn't that just make you smile!


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Mimes obviously sit when they pee! We went over that in
Manly Man, Leg Crosser or Intellectual: Part I  
Lots of cool people sit when they pee. I know I do!  Note to readers: I hope my brother just read this.  I'm going to get it now!



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Miming can bring families closer together! Take a close look at this photo.  This could be you!


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Miming can help your marriage--as long as your spouse is on the mime wagon with you.  Don't worry about this woman.  She's just a hater.




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If you're a mime you won't have to hear your babies cry anymore. You can have all the perks of beginning parenthood without the noise!




Despite all these rock solid facts, most people don't like mimes.  While being a street performer I've meet plenty of mimes.
I've even heard mime-haters ask strange things like:  
If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would it make a sound?
If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would anyone care?
or
When you shoot a mime, do you have to use a silencer?

I didn't understand those haters until yesterday.  It hit me though, finally--people hate mimes because they're jealous!  When you're an average person you can't turn air into something.  You can't make babies laugh just by walking around in a convict outfit.  The best you do is sit, frown and watch a happy mime.  So of course normal people have mime envy.  It's natural.  So if you're reading this and thinking "I hate mimes" don't worry.  I have a solution for you. 

There are four stages people go through in life:
Stage one: Innocence
This is a person who's never seen a mime.  They're happy (SORT-OF) but don't know what they're missing.

Stage two: Seeing Stripes
This is a person who's seen a mime.  Envy hasn't had time to brew in their heart.  They smile at the mime and wave.  The mime waves back--since that's still allowed in the miming industry.

Stage three: Hater
This is a person who's seen a mime, but HATE them.  This is where envy has crept into their mime-loving soul.  They hate mimes because they're really the mimes' biggest fans.

Stage four: Becoming Your Enemy
This is a person who decides to become a mime.  Less than 1% of our population has the courage to reach this point.  I know that's sad and hard to swallow--but it's true!  It's hard to get to this stage, but you'll know if you make it there because you will completely lose your voice and your kids will LOVE being around you.

Miming reminds me of a scripture in the Bible and anything that brings out a Bible verse is amazing!
Here's the verse:
 Matthew 7:13-14 (New International Version)
13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.


Miming = A narrow gate!

That's why I feel so great today because after years of mime envy, I'm finally moving from the stage three to stage four.  I'd like to encourage you today.  Try this with your kids.  They'll love it.  Act likes mimes.  I did it yesterday and there was no fighting!  It was the coolest day every.  Thank God for stage four!

Questions of the day:  What stage are you at?  Do you suffer from mime envy?