Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Controversy in the Clans and My Son Who Died From Birth Defects

I got an award!!! I'm so thrilled because this picture is GORGEOUS like that necklace Miss Lohan stole. I still can't get over that madness. Have you heard anything about it? She said she was too busy to return it--that's some serious chaos!  You'd think she has as many kids as I do. 
Here's some info if you're interested:
Click Here to read Lindsay's Story


So, anyway I got an award and it couldn't have arrived at a better time.  I got a call yesterday and apparently my blog is still very controversial. It's getting mixed reviews from my extremely religious family.

If you're going to understand this, you need some background. I'm a religious mutt.  My dad was raised very Mormon--his family wears the white underclothes and everything--and my mom used to listen to a priest. I in turn grew up pentecostal.  My husband's beliefs are metaphysically based and most of his family is Mormon or New Age.  

Here's the problem: One of my great aunts (once removed) saw the picture of me on the toilet and said, "That's suggestive. It's very risque.  You should take down that embarrassing toilet picture right this minute!"  Now, she's not the first family member to say this.  Someone on my husband's side already shares her views.

"How's it risque?" I asked, stumped.

"Because it looks like you're actually going!" 

I LOVE my family and respect their opinions, but it's crazy how I feel like I can never do anything right--until now!  Thank you Angela Scott of (one of my FAVORITE blogs ever by the way) for believing in me and backing my crazy idea of a blog. 

So I told my great aunt (once removed), "If you think it's risque, then it's a good thing you're not the one in the picture." And I know this is horrible, but I almost wish she was in that picture because it would make me giggle and do a happy dance.  I could sing a song, and look at the picture all day because it would be golden.

So, I feel bad if my blog is embarrassing people, but if so, they don't need to read it.  I started this in an effort to bring joy.  I want to help people laugh, especially those who have had children with birth defects.  I miss my son every day and if I'm ever going to publish my journal about his life, I need a blog and people willing to support me.

With that being said, I have a message for everyone who has been "embarrassed" by me and this blog.  Things could be worse!
#1 I am not a stripper, I never have been and never will be. 
#2 I am not on drugs. 
#3 I've never gone to jail, although I've heard the food there is exceptional and even better than food at the hospital cafeteria. 
#4 I do not go to the bathroom outside on a toilet UNLESS it's plumbed. 
#5 I really did change tires and oil for big rigs while working at the truck shop AND I'm proud of it! 
#6 My potato launcher is awesome and I will be safely testing it today.  (No, the kids will not be near it and yes, I won't follow too close or speed on the way to the testing ground.)
#7 I love you all so much, but feel like I'm never good enough.  It's horrible always being told what I can do better and how it's not right the first time.  Sometimes a simple, "That's incredibly awesome," would suffice.
#8 I hope you can love me for me and accept that writing a public blog isn't the worst thing since Uncle Ronnie injured himself with that nose hair remover.

This really is something I need to do.  I'm not trying to be disrespectful and I'm sorry if it comes off that way.  I know Zeke's memory needs to live on.  If he'd survived, he'd want his story out there.  And by golly, even if I lose an eye in the process, have to learn braille and everyone hates me, I'm going to do my best because his story is strong and unmarred by time.  It's something people need to read so they can realize how lucky they are.

If your children are healthy--you're lucky.  If you're alive--you're lucky.  It's amazing God gave us life in the first place.  We all need to be a little more appreciative and smile because each day and each breath is a blessing.  Trust me, I know. I lost my son.  He's never coming back, and there's nothing I can do about it.  No amount of time or energy will bring him from the grave.  None of my prayers convinced God to heal him.  Nothing!  What I do have is my journal filled with the memories of his precious life: when I held him in my arms; when he looked at me with so much love it carried me through the disaster of his death.  I've seen terribly hard things, but choose to focus on the bright side.  Because after Zeke died I realized I had a husband who loves me, a family whose quirkiness makes me smile and a God who never left me!   There's so much to be happy about.  I want to focus on those positive things, not how much my blogging or toilet picture sucks.

Closing note to family:
Maybe I'm not the greatest boon our family's seen, but I'm not in the slammer.  So with that being said, thanks for taking the time to read this and please know how much I love you, silly moments, boots, potato launchers and cafeteria food.

A Crazy (Award Winning) Mom


  1. Bravo dear friend. This is an incredibly aswome blog! :) keep up the good work.. I'm giggling right now.

  2. I thought you were a stripper...huh? where do you go at night when you leave your kids with that one plumber guy with crap sack?

    You are a good person. I'd love ya even if you were a stipper because then you'd have money to buy me stuff. ;)

  3. You two brighten my day. :) It would be phenomenally awesome to have more money, but my boobs aren't big enough, I don't drink enough caffeine and I dance worse than a one legged ninety-year-old.

  4. Elisa! I love you and your blog and your quirky family! (I'm still struggling with loving Cafeteria food... but we can work past that can't we?!) I want you to succeed and I know you will. You are so persistent and motivated with everything you do. *Hugs*

  5. Bravo! My family has been very supportive of my endeavors - but I know sometimes they "show" their support by remaining silent. Either way, whether they're in the front row cheering me on, or hiding in the back shaking their heads, it really helps to know they appreciate me, even if they don't always approve of what i have to say. Hopefully your letter will help get you that same support

  6. I have to admit the toilet picture has a distinct shock factor. To be specific , there is certainly a lewdness to it that can't be denied. Regardless of your perspective, The emotional response it elicits can not be glossed over. The woman looks so innocent and happy, although embarassed for doing her business in public, but not so much so as to not actually do it. I can envision a bubble over her head reading, "Sorry, but when you got to go, you got to go." To me, this is art. It is a statement. If you look behind the picture, maybe people would see a deeper social commentary about what we do behind closed doors; the way we treat our spouses, our children, the supposedly anonymous things we do on the internet... Everyone knows what goes on, the vulgarities committed in the sanctity and illusion of privacy. We all have to drop trow and take a dump. I hope for one at least once a day. But there is alot of other crap in our lives. Stuff that can only be sanitized by the light of day and the scrutiny of our peers. Not everyone has the courage and honor to expose themselves honestly to the world. Sometimes its ugly and lewd and painful. Sometimes, its the only way to find healing. I don't have that courage, I know I don't, but the writer of this blog does. I would only ask her, why did you take the picture? Was it for a cheap laugh, or, was it to pick at something more meaningful?

  7. First time here and I think it's a pretty cool blog! A little controvery is what makes life a spicey. Go for it!

  8. I have no problems with strippers.

    And I totally want, NEED, a potato launcher!!! :)

    Also, I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*


  9. We were not in Utah, I don't think, when you went through all you went through with Zeke. We knew, but didn't understand - well, how can anyone understand who hasn't "been there". Still, you wrote about it so passionately that I felt your grief way down deep, and every time you write about him, I still feel it so deeply, and have to force myself to move on, rather than sit and grieve. For what that's worth, anyway. Also, for what it's worth, I love your toilet picture! I am in awe especially of the one in the street! You are marvelous!

  10. Liz - if your family can't take a joke even if it is a picture and doesn't appreciate the talented, beautiful(in every way), and wonderfully unique person that you are, then you can come and be officially adopted into our family and thoroughly enjoyed for your virtuosity and superior personal wit. We love you and encourage you to keep up the good work.

  11. LOL. Still loving your blog and I have another award for you at my blog!


  12. That's incredibly awesome Elisa!!! ;) I love you! I'm so glad that my sister became friends with you because if she hadn't, you wouldn't be my friend and I looooove your blog and it does bring a smile to my face and most of the time very loud giggles.
    I know how you feel about never feeling good enough but you should absolutely not feel that way because you are an amazing, sweet, fun and loving person and anyone who knows you should feel blessed. I hope you are having a wonderful day! I should come see you again soon :)

  13. Do you want me to post my toilet picture, it will make yours look heavenly. Lol..

  14. Thanks everyone for being so awesome you remind me of Heaven ;)

    That would be soooo hilarious!!! I'd LOVE it and so would my great aunt (once removed) LOL!