“Don’t be a rainbow chaser.” This might sound obvious, but after a radiologist discovered a new cancerous tumor in my body last week, I had to take a moment and cry.
So, what makes someone a rainbow chaser? That’s simply when people see a rainbow, but they’re not satisfied with the sight in front of them—and they must get closer. But there isn’t a pot of gold at the end, and after you’ve gotten too close, you can’t see the rainbow at all! In the same way, the present should be enjoyed, each step, each moment, each joy and heartache. If someone can’t be happy with the beauty right in front of them, they’re constantly “chasing rainbows.”
“I just feel so dumb,” I told Mike. “I let myself hope. Really hope. And then I cried.”
“I cried too…at work,” he admitted. “But we can’t lose hope.” He held me then, making me feel so safe despite such uncertainty.
“I guess I just thought they’d tell me I could go into remission at some point. But now they’re worried about the effectiveness of the treatments.”
“You’ve had setbacks though, sweetheart. They had to stop treatments so your body could heal from liver failure and then sepsis. It might actually be kind of amazing that this is all that happened. You couldn’t have treatments for months.”
I nodded. “The cancer could’ve gone crazy, right?! And it’s just my femur. God gave me two of those for a reason!”
Mike smiled and smoothed my hair back. As I looked up and gazed into his blue eyes, I thought how I’m the luckiest woman in the whole world. Sure, it would be nice to possibly have more time and not constantly battle pain, nausea, and fatigue. But I would be a fool if I forgot to appreciate the beauty that’s already around me.
“Can I show you pictures from Utah?” I asked Mike, thinking how I’m done chasing rainbows.
“Sure,” he said.
And as I opened my phone, I felt stunned. “I brought Sky to a garden…. But, Mike…” I looked at a few pictures that Sky had taken of me, and right above my head, stretched a beautiful rainbow.
I’m crying as I type this because life is so amazing!
I set down my phone, gave Mike the biggest hug, and told him how perfect he is. Then, when I visited with each of our four kids today, I couldn’t get over how completely special they are. From their hilarious banter, hardworking attitudes, and complete moxie, I am so proud to have them fighting alongside me through all of this. They always help me find the good!
I never thought I’d be a rainbow chaser, but even in my darkest hour, God allowed a little miracle to happen—to remind me that I should always appreciate the blessings in my life. Even when we don’t realize it, He’s looking out for everyone, surrounding us in love, and sprinkling our world with so much beauty. We just have to be willing to look for it.
I never would’ve suspected that a rainbow hovered just over my head, even as I battled devastating news and hoped God would give me some sort of sign that He’s still looking out for me. I am so fortunate.
(You can see the rainbow in this “pursuit” of happiness photo. You've gotta love typos that are literally written in stone. The Gilgal Sculpture Garden in Salt Lake is pretty neat.)