One of the people I've talked to is the wise, the brave--the incredibly kind--Fishducky. (You can check out her hilarious blog HERE.) Anyway, she's one tough broad. I told her about my troubles of late and she simply said, "Listen, kid, you've just got to realize, as long as they don't want to do a headectomy, you're going to be fine."
"A headectomy?" I asked.
"Yeah, a headectomy."
It finally hit me and I laughed so hard.
We talked for a few minutes, and I felt pretty great by the time we hung up.
I keep thinking about what the grand Fishducky said, ya know, anything sounds fine when you compare it to a headectomy. Sure I'm scared for surgery, but at least I'll wake up from the damn thing with my body connected and all.
That whole train of thought got me going on the "glad game." I love that freakin' thing. Have you seen Pollyanna? This damn kid goes around town charming everyone and making even the orneriest schmucks happy. I love that show, 'cause she even won my heart, that's why--even though the show is older than dirt. I'm a sucker for old shows anyway.
So I decided to play the glad game tonight. And maybe I'm being a bit too honest here, but I did think of a couple things that made me smile.
#1 I'm so glad I'm a chick. Really, isn't getting an ovary removed, the equivalent of getting a ball removed for a man? I feel bad for anyone who has to do that, 'cause at least my woman balls are on the inside. Does that even make sense? Well, if it does, that's one thing to be thankful for.... Ya know, balls on the inside.
And #2 I'm also glad I don't have to get a mastectomy--I mean for crying out loud, I finally got these things a couple of years ago! I always said that when God made me, He said, "Oh this'll be fun--let's give this chick an indent where her chest should've been." And it wasn't bad. Except that I looked like a board with two water rings.
TMI? I don't give a shit.
P.S. Apology: I'm trying my hardest, to be kind like the pastor said about the Beatitudes in church today, but all I've ended up being is brutally honest and super glad about stuff.... Se la vie! I'm not a good Christian, but at least that's better than being a hypocrite about it!
Anyway, peace out,
The chick who will only have ONE woman-ball come Thursday....
An Honest Elisa
