Monday, December 16, 2013

Was that snow, or bird poop I just ate?

Sometimes it's hard to roll with the punches.  Life hasn't been easy lately, but at least I can say one thing: I've been honest to a fault.
When it sucks, I say so.
When it's awesome, you know it.
 
    But this hasn't been the best idea, not all the time.  And I realized this in the grocery store the other day when I wasn't my normal "nice" self.  If you've read my blog at all, you know I'm a pretty sweet girl.  I don't say mean things to innocent people.  I'm not vindictive and I LOVE my enemies!  For most of my life I've done everything I can to make everyone else happy.  Well, maybe I'm starting to change just a little. . . .
    A guy walked toward me as a studied the various types of chips in front of me at the local store.  I was bored, honestly.  Cade had the kids for the weekend, and it seemed like I had nothing better to do than buy an energy drink and peruse the chip aisle before going home to sew.  I stood minding my own business, gauging whether Cheetos or Doritos sounded like a better time, when suddenly the guy at two o'clock started talking to me.
    "Oh, my gosh!  I LOVE Doritos too!  Can you believe it?  We BOTH love Doritos."
    Did he want a flippin' prize!  Is this the best guys can do these days?
    Besides, I have a problem with men lately.  Actually there are only three men I really trust right now, and chip-boy isn't one of them.  I studied his face and saw "DIRT BAG *ALERT*--I LIKE TO SLEEP WITH WOMEN" practically tattooed on his forehead.  That's when I decided to let my temper out.
    "Doritos?  Really!  I bet 90% of Americans LOVE Doritos.  That doesn't make me your F'n soulmate!" 
    He paled.  And as I said the words, I actually felt bad--until he gained his second wind!
    "A feisty redhead!  Meow! I like that!  We should go out."
    At the point he said "meow" I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
    "I'm happily . . . unavailable," I said, starting to turn away. 
    "You aren't wearing a ring or nothin' AND I'm a great guy."
    "You're shorter than me," I countered, because that's something a guy just can't bounce back from--unless he's a midget 'cause that's badass.  I've seen Willow enough times to know!
    "What?" he said.
    "You're. Shorter. Than. Me," I raised my voice.
    "I'll always look up to you."
    "You look younger than me."
    "Never stopped me before."
    "How old are you, babyface?  Can you even grow a beard yet?" I felt so insensed that he wouldn't just leave me alone to pick some chips; I thought if he continued much longer, I might give him my ex-husband's number--and name--just for the hell of it!  (I could pass for a Cade--or Cade-ee--right?)  That would teach chip-boy to hit on girls in the chip aisle!
    "I'm twenty-five," he winked.
    Holy . . . water!  Was he really asking me out?  Had his balls even dropped yet?  "Well, child.  I'm thirty.  I could have changed your diapers."
    "We aren't THAT far apart in age."
     "To a five-year-old, that's a freakin' lifetime!"  I said, then grabbed a bag of original Lays--which I'm not especially fond of--and I nearly sprinted to the self-checkout.
    And as I scanned the bar code of those original Lays, I kept thinking about how I didn't want that brand of chips!  I just wanted to mind my own business and probably buy Doritos--because, after all, 90% of Americans LOVE Doritos.  

   Why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself, do what I want, and now control my temper? 
    I love that I'm a nice person and I do want to remain true to myself, but being divorced is teaching me a few things.  I don't have to be sweet all the time, and it's okay to stand up for myself. Like the Bible--and The Byrds--say, to everything there is a season

Are there ever times in your life when you've told someone how you feel and they just haven't taken the hint?  If so, how did you respond?