Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I'm officially divorced

Once upon a time--when I was a teenager and things still had the blessed taint of youth--Cade and I went rock climbing in Hawaii.  We didn't say much, feeling nature and the beauty around us. We were near the top of a huge waterfall when my hands started stiffening from being too close to the cold rock and water.
    Cade climbed over the cliff ahead of me, and was about to turn around when I started slipping. Time moved slowly. I didn’t have a chance to say a word. So many thoughts went through my mind as I slipped and began falling back toward the water that cascaded hundreds of feet below me.
    A cliff. So this is how I would die. My stomach lurched. I slipped farther and my eyes darted back to the water. The jagged rocks scrapped my shaking hands as I tried clinging to the mountainside.  My shoes felt heavy and leaden; the whole predicament was hopeless.  

    Just as my hands completely faltered and I began tumbling from the rocky siding, Cade turned toward me. My heart pounded. I couldn’t hear anything. In slow motion, I watched as Cade’s face grimaced in concentration. He instantly flattened himself and reached for my wrist. I swore he missed. My right arm flailed in the air because my feet were staying in place as I fell backward. Desperate, I stared into Cade’s eyes. That’s when I realized he’d grabbed me, just in time.
    Tears poured across my face as I twisted and slammed against the rocky wall. The water rushed once more within my hearing. A buzzing sound filled my aching head as Cade helped me over the side. I leaned into his shoulder and didn’t even realize how badly I’d bruise later. “I almost fell,” I stuttered.
    We stayed like that for a time, and when I saw Cade’s face, I couldn’t believe how shook up he was.



______________________________


    
    But the fact remains; we're divorced now.  And if I fall, Cade won't be there to catch me.  I thought about this the other day as I waited at the pediatrician's office, wondering how I could possibly face life without anyone for a safety net.  That's when I read a quote on the wall: "Be strong for your kids. Make them your priority and everything else will follow."  I closed my eyes and thought hard.  Maybe this is what growing up is about: Taking responsibility for ourselves. Seeing the journey that brought us where we are. Accepting changes gracefully, as best we can.      
    It's wonderful that Cade and I were married for the time we were. But a new life awaits both of us.  I need to hold firm to the rock--no more falling for me.  And I need to be strong for my children, in case they ever need me to catch them--like I once needed someone to catch me.  
    It's my turn to be the source of security.  It's my turn to be the safety net for my kids.  We'll make it through this. And that's what I'm thankful for today: the good times, the bad times, the times in between.  And the fact that I'm being strong for my kids, when really they're my source of hope through all of this.

24 comments:

Beautiful--I know you'll make it, sweetheart!!

I remember when I moved into this house and though "Crap. I'm the only responsible adult in this whole house. It's all on me."

You will be fine, and you will do well, I promise. But I want you to listen close and KNOW this... While it is important to be that safety net for the kids, it's okay to slip and even fall sometimes. NONE of us is "on" 100% of the time. It's okay, and healthy for our kids to see, that occasionally we don't have all the answers or know what to do.

(((HUGS)))

For a few years after I got divorced, at times I actually missed X, and you know what an asshole he is. I had gotten used to having him around, even though he wasn't at home very much. Going through these huge changes is difficult, but I'm really proud of you for going through with this, Middle Child. It was the right thing to do. Plus, some other adults in this world are ready to catch you if you fall.

Love,
Your Mother From Another Planet

Beautifully put! Your strength is inspiring and you are such a good mom! Remember God will be with you, to lift you up and catch you as well.

You're gonna make it just fine. You're definitely strong enough. Never doubt that.

I know a couple of very strong women who made it and I think you will too.
Take care of your own health and your kid's health too.

Elisa, you and the kids will do great. God made you strong. He will catch you and hold you in His hands. You remain in the prayers of many. Hugs.

You'll make it with ease, just act like your crazy self and all will be grand lol

Instead of falling, I hope you will be able to fly!

You've come through difficult times already, and your strength is evident. It isn't easy, but better times are coming. Hang in there, my friend.

Another fact remains: you're a brilliant storyteller.

I know you'll weather the next portion of your life well.

I'm reading another of your books on my Kindle just now. I admire your musical and literary talents and respect your inner strength and fortitude. I look forward to reading anything you write.

Thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes to you and your wonderful kids. You have everything within you to make it through this and come out stronger.

But what about your bible roots and the source of that book?....

I have no doubt that you will be strong enough to uphold not only yourself, and not even only your kids, but you will somehow find a way to continue to touch the lives of countless others as well.

You have lived through the death of a child. Compared to that a divorce seems less important. You both love your children and they love you. Isn't that the most important thing! You will do well, you are a strong woman.

Dear Elisa, strength comes from being strong. You have been in the past, you are now, and you will be in the future if you remember that wall plaque and your commitment to your children and yourself. When you are strong for them you are being strong for yourself. And very importantly, you are teaching them to be strong within themselves. Seeing your words and actions meshing and merging, they, too, will discover their own strength. Your daughters especially will learn from you how to be strong, independent women.

And so many of us are rooting for you. We know you are strong, so when the days are dark and you doubt yourself, remember how many of those whose lives you touched believe in you. Peace.

Just wanted to say this is what I needed today. Going through a separation-impending divorce, after 11 years of having that 'safety net'. And with the four kids I feel like I may drown. But this makes me think I will not...thanks for your insight into hard things. Xoxo

You’d get by, EC. :) I have the faintest idea of what your relationship had gone through to end up like this, but your words sounded strong of acceptance. You can recover from this adversity, which is probably one of the hardest trials life can ever throw on you. And once you already do, you’d know you can handle everything else. David@TREECE & TREECE

Bad things happen to good people all the time. You really are one of the strongest and most remarkable I've come across in exploring the writing world, if not my life in general.

http://oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/spirituality/sickness-suffering-and-death/suffering

Divorce involves the worst type of grieving for a loss, I have been told. You and Cade share the joy of your children. Trust in God, trust in yourself.

So good to see your name up in my list!

Good going for you. Yes, it will be very hard when you get divorced. It’s like a wakeup call and realization that everything will not be the way you hoped them to be. Yet we still have to muster up our strength and courage and move on. As for legal issues you don’t really have to worry as you can get a lawyer to help you with that. What you need right now is to be there for your kids, and for yourself.

Lynette Mcguire

This is a beautiful post. Yes, I do agree with you. With divorce comes the need for self-empowerment. I know it’s going to be hard on you, but you’ll get there. And once the legal and emotional closure is over, and after much tears and fears, you’ll realize that you’re a strong and independent woman. It’s going to be a long journey, but you’ll get there eventually.

Christine Bradley

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