Monday, January 4, 2021

Window of Time

 It just hit me how much my life has changed since I got cancer. I have several good hours of every day when I can be around people and do things. But for the rest of the day I lie in bed and sleep. When you only have so many hours...well, it completely changes everything. 

I don’t have time to waste on menial things. I used to work, and then work some more. If I wasn’t working for an employer, I was working for myself.

Now, truly realizing that time is numbered for all of us, I find myself completely changed.

Yesterday, I spent the day doing unusual things (for me). My 10-year-old put fake nails on me—there was a lot of glue involved. My son taught me how to do a trick with his balisong trainer knife (try THAT with fake nails!). I also got to talk about art with my oldest daughter and watch her play video games. 

Yesterday afternoon, when I was resting for the millionth time, I told my husband how fortune I am to have him and our four kids. I have no idea what the point—or the meaning—of life is, but I do know that it’s strange what happens when we only have a small window of time each day. 

What would you find most important during a small window of time? What is your “reason,” and are you truly appreciating it, or are you letting those moments pass you by (like I used to)?

I hate what cancer has done to me—it’s still very hard to walk, and I’m in a lot of pain. BUT I’m so grateful for the other changes it’s caused in me. It’s not all bad, really. I’m grateful for time, even if it is only a window each day. I’ll appreciate every moment I can.

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