Unrealistic Expectations

One of the greatest pieces of wisdom my grandmother left behind is this: We should let people live their own lives. 

It recently brought back a memory.

 

My oldest daughter, Ruby, is a gifted tattoo artist. When I say gifted, I mean her talent is nothing short of incredible. She creates living masterpieces. The fact that she makes an exceptional living from this is simply a bonus.

 

BUT I have to admit, this career path was initially a tough pill for me to swallow. I'd always envisioned a different future for her—one with a traditional college degree, a stable 9-to-5 job, and all the security that comes with it. I had a lifetime of preconceived notions about what a successful, happy life would look like for my children, and when she told me she wanted to become a tattoo artist, a huge part of me felt terrified. She'd been perusing colleges in California; what happened to that plan? Why didn't she want to get a college degree?

 

One day, I found myself trapped in a massive wait at the DMV. The air hung thick with the scent of stale coffee and frustration as loads of people listened for their number to be called. The clock on the wall seemed to mock me, its hands moving slower than a snail taking sleeping pills. That's when my mind fixated on the very issue that had been bothering me for months: my struggle to accept Ruby's career choice. I replayed conversations in my head, imagined futures that would never be, and felt the familiar knot of disappointment tighten in my stomach. 

 

A man nearby looked just as bored as I was, so after a while, I decided to talk with him. I introduced myself, and before long, we covered everything from the weather to the mundane details of our lives. As the conversation deepened, though, I found myself confiding in him, the words tumbling out before I could second-guess myself. I explained my inner turmoil—the pride I felt for Ruby's talent while still fearing for her future.

 

He listened intently, his expression one of deep empathy. When I finished, he paused for a moment, his gaze distant, as if sifting through his own memories. "You're telling me this for a reason," he said, his voice soft but firm. Then, he shared his own story, one that mirrored my fears in a way that felt almost surreal. 

 

He had two incredible sons. They were his pride and joy, but like me, he had his own expectations for their lives. He wanted them to get degrees, get married, and have children. But he put so much pressure on his younger son, that the boy ended up taking his own life... "He just couldn't..." the man's voice broke on the words, "live up to my expectations." The sorrow in his voice filled me with sadness as well, and tears came to my eyes. I couldn't imagine what it must've been like to experience that.

 

He took a moment, trying to calm the emotion that had welled up during the conversation. "If I could offer any advice," he said, his voice now a quiet plea, "I think you should simply show your children unconditional love. If I could go back in time, that's what I'd do. I'd trade every one of my expectations for a chance to just tell my son that I was proud of him for being himself."

 

His words hit me so hard, a jolt of recognition that went straight to my heart. It was a simple truth; one I had somehow forgotten in my quest to "help" my daughter. I instantly knew I'd never forget this man or his story. I left the DMV with a new sense of clarity. I now had a single, all-consuming goal: I wanted to show Ruby that my love for her was not tied to her career path, her life choices, or anything other than the simple fact that she is perfect just the way she is. 

 

Today, my daughter's reputation has grown immensely. Clients have come from all over the world to get tattoos from Ruby, and I even got one from her—an olive branch that matches a tattoo she has on her own hand as well. I've watched, amazed and humbled, as she has built a life that is so entirely her own, and I am grateful to be free from the burden of my old expectations.

 

I think my grandma showed a lot of wisdom when she wrote that we should let people live their own lives. It's a simple piece of advice that has had a profoundly positive impact.