Sunday, February 18, 2018

All that remains is love, but right now that's hard to remember.

This broke my heart completely and I need advice....

Over a decade ago I fought for my little boy’s life and was devastated beyond words when he died. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now after reading a review where a reader wrote that I selfishly kept my son alive too long....  Some people don’t understand the pain they can cause and how it can multiply past hurts.  Sometimes when reviewing a memoir, people are actually reviewing the person, their past, and their choices.

Quote from Goodreads review: ...but she really is a selfish, narcissistic woman. Obviously, “she would trade places with her baby”. I am sure that in two days she would be begging to let her die. Who on her sound mind stubbornly wants to prolong the life of a dying baby...
Extracted 2/18/18, Goodreads, written 3/29/17.

No, this wasn’t a physical injury, but I’m devastated regardless.

I fought so hard for my little boy. And even after he passed—I have fought to share his memory because somehow it makes me feel like he didn’t least not really...that I can go into another freakin’ room and maybe he’ll be there waiting for me.  As if waking from a bad dream, a terrible nightmare that doesn’t exist—I'll realize it’s okay. But this woman has reminded me that it’s not okay.

In the end, all that remains is love, but right now I’m struggling to remember that.

I loved my little boy—still do—with every part of my soul.   It’s heartless to judge someone because they fought to keep their child alive....

I hope Zeke's memory will always remain dear to those who loved him in life--and now through his story, even after death.  

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I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful people who have helped me stay strong.  It's hard writing memoir and putting myself out there.  I practically pried open my own ribs and now everyone can see my insides, crap and all....  It's really just a quest to accept who I truly am: strengths, weaknesseseverything.