Saturday, September 14, 2013

Ask Elisa: Ridiculous Ways People Found My Site

I had to share some of the funny ways people have found my site, and I'd also like to take time to answer some of their questions.


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These are the search keywords that have brought them here.
Note: Search Keywords (in black)


elisa hirsch crazy
Why is the word "crazy" always next to my name lately? 


do you believe in magic breast cancer
NO.  I don't think breast cancer is magical.  I think crap happens and then you either pray or start drinking a ton of coffee.  My dad had colon cancer.  I think God, the chemo, and large amounts of tobacco cured him.


crazy writing mom
Again with the "crazy!"


www.ecwrites.com
What a shocker that it brought them here.  Thank you, Google, for a job well done.


blonde beauty queen yelling
This is a fantastic search.  Now I want to write a blog just about this topic.


mime
Yes, mimes are cooler than dynamite! Search for them, just don't expect a vocal reply.
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elisabeth hirsch so crazy
Why are people searching my name and the words "SO crazy!!"  I know my header says "The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom," but that doesn't mean I want to be connected in that way.  It says "Crazy Life," not "Crazy Elisa."


how do i shoplift
Seriously?  How do you shoplift?  You don't.  That's the plain truth.  You go, work hard, earn money and then trade it for what you want.  Don't come here if you want to learn how to steal--that's not something I'm into, really it's not.  I hope you like prison.
IT'S RIDICULOUS WHAT SOME PEOPLE LEARN ON THE INTERNET THESE DAYS!


will drinking coffee cause your feet swell
Drinking coffee will only bring good things, like energy and awesome dreams in the night!  I LOVE coffee.  My closest friends says that I like a little coffee with my creamer, but they don't know what they're missing. 


and he looked at me like i was crazy
This would bother me too.  I don't know why people throw the word "crazy" around like it's nothing these days.  Why was he looking at you like that?  If he wasn't staring back from a mirror, then I think you're probably mentally sane.  Just think to yourself, what insecurities does he have inside, that would make him judge you like that?  Then, when you find the truth about his insanity, tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it!  


what happened to the scribes after they died
The safe answer, is that they went straight to Heaven.  Scribes are the fruit of life.  They're amazing and wonderful.  They're like sugar in my coke and that's why God loves them too.


he's practically perfect in every way, but he's no Mary Poppins
Is this a real saying?  Shouldn't it say "she?"
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have lost my thumb
Me too, man.  It sucks! 
A Thumb-altering Moment


crazy mom grandmas
Again with the crazy!  These searches are making me crazy!


short fat bald guy with glasses
Are we talking about Newman from Seinfeld?  That guy scares the Hell out of me.  For some reason he reminds me of dinosaurs and a muddy death!  Not a good time!  I can see it like a flash back for crying out loud.


best place for living homeless in hawaii 
On the strip.  Don't go to the homeless park or Pearl City--trust me I know.


caffeine and huge breasts 
I've been drinking caffeine for months.  It's still a no go.


can a hot mom and ugly dad have a cute baby
It depends on how ugly the dad is.   
But seriously it concerns me if the mom, dad, or in-laws wrote this.  Either way, it's not nice to the poor daddy.
How to Have an Ugly Baby


can i still go on to the ninth grade evn though im spposed to be stoped?
Well, maybe, but you might want to take some spelling classes 
first . . .


cool hand luke mom
Yes, search this and come here often.  I flippin' LOVE Cool Hand Luke.  This is so much better than "crazy mom!"
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can too much caffeine make your breast hurt
Yes.  And they still won't grow. 


does caffeine make womens breast swell
Yes, in a lumpy, deformed way.  (I Googled it too.)


caffeine big boobs . . .
can caffeine cause swollen breast . . .
can caffeine soda make breasts swell . . .

can too much caffeine make your breasts tender
Once again . . . YES!  Yikes, if everyone is searching this, then it is a problem.


do the cowboy position
What the Hell? I don't know a ton about cowboys...or missionaries. 
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crazy elisa hirsch 
NO comment!


crazy writing 
Just wake up at 5am like I did today. The rest will take care of itself.   

Hot Moms From Doom
Save yourself some time.  Search "Bridezillas" and you'll get better results.


blonde hippie model 
Wow!  I'm a bit flattered my site came up from this search.  Finally a search as neat as Cool Hand Luke.



harold camping
Is this a substitute for the word "crazy?"  Thank goodness my name isn't next to this!


my friends hot mom crazy moms from doom
This is going to a bad place.  Stay away from the MILF.  You sound way too young!


tangled rapunzel feet tickled
Wow, a bit strange.


british moms walking 
I don't quite understand searching for this.  Do British females walk differently than say . . . Americans?  If people are Googling this, maybe I should take some British walking lessons.  I want to be sexy too!


can i put my baby in a laundry basket?
No, I wrote a blog about this:
A Baby in a Laundry Basket 


So, now that I've officially answered and addressed some of the best searches, what about yours?  What have people Googled to find your site?  
P. S. I found mine under stats and then traffic sources. 

Check out this screenshot I took today.


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"sexy mom farting on son face" . . . That's just creepy!